break
by Green-Eyes-Love
Summary: - in which a girl remembers nothing, a blade becomes dull, and a god of calamity sacrifices for another -
1. prologue - remember

**prologue – remember **

Hiyori bumps into him on her way out of the shrine. Her forehead smashes into his temple and from the sickening crunch she can tell that it's hurting him a lot more than it is her.

"_Fuck,"_ the man mutters under his breath, clutching at the side of his face. "Ow. _Ow."_

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I was just – in my own world – I wasn't paying attention and _ohmygod_ are you _bleeding_ – shit I am _so sorry_ –"

"It's okay," the man replies, stepping back from the fretting girl. He's dressed in a blue jersey and looks to be about her age – and maybe man isn't the right word to use, then, but he has the air of someone much older than twenty-two. He's tall, with dark hair that falls into his face and the most electric blue eyes she's ever seen. "My fault, I was going the wrong way."

A shiver creeps down Hiyori's spine and she feels the hairs on her arms stand on end. Suddenly, she is cold, chilled to the bone.

"Oi!" a voice calls out from behind the man. "Watch where you're going or you'll end up killing someone."

A teenager – he can't be more than 14, 15 at most – steps around from behind the man. The kid is short and blonde. His eyes are a strange fiery colour, a sort of red-orange. _Contacts, _thinks Hiyori. _No one's eyes are that like that naturally. _

"Ah, see? Did you knock over the poor lady, you fucking brute?"

_Such language! They look nothing like each other but they've got to be siblings or at least good friends if he's talking to the tall guy like that._

"Actually, I think _I_ cut him with my teeth," corrects Hiyori. She laughs uncomfortably, stifling a nagging feeling. "He got most of the damage."

The taller man – who is indeed bleeding from a small cut on his cheek – smiles and extends a hand.

"Don't worry about it, really. I'm – ahem – Yato," he says. "This," gesturing to the kid, "is Yukine. And you are?"

"Uh – Hiyori. Iki Hiyori."

She shakes the man – Yato's – hand, and feels her heart pick up at the contact. _Yato, and Yukine…where have I heard that before? _Hiyori racks her brains, struggling to bring up a memory. There is a pounding at the base of her skull and she feels unexplainably dizzy.

"Well, Mister Yato, Yukine…I'm so sorry I bumped into you, I didn't mean to. I hope your cheek doesn't hurt too bad but uh, if you'll excuse me – I'm not – ugh – my head is hurting, I'm not feeling too well. I should go home."

Yato nods at her and Yukine hangs his head, kicking a pebble on the ground almost angrily.

"You see?" Hiyori hears the boy hiss as she walks away, "I toldyou, you piece of shit, I _told you, _but do you ever fucking listen to me? _No, _you just do whatever the hell you want and –"

"I'm sorry," Hiyori blurts out, turning on the spot. "This is going to sound really strange, but – have we met before? You two just look – I don't know – really familiar for some reason, I _swear_ I've seen you somewhere."

Hiyori cringes at her impoliteness and is completely ready to be rebuffed but to her surprise, Yukine looks up sharply, staring at her with something akin to – hope? Beside him, Yato sucks in a breath through his teeth.

"Yes," he says excitedly. "_Yes, _we have met before, a long time ago." He takes a few steps forward, and Hiyori notices his fingers are shaking.

Voice trembling, Yukine chimes in, "Think - you were in high school. You know us, Hiyori, just _remember_."

The girl stares at them as the ache at the base of her skull grows stronger and – all of a sudden, she's overcome with nausea. She sways dangerously on her feet, moments away from falling. Her head feels like it's going to split in two and her vision is _swimming _and, distantly, behind a thick layer of pain, she thinks she feels a pair of hands on her shoulders, guiding her to a bench and sitting her down. They're saying something to her, both of them talking at once – she can hear sounds dimly but – almost as if she were removed from her body – she can't make out a single word.

Images flash before her – there's a cat, a tiny little ball of fur and – _a bus?_ – a boy in a jersey chasing after the animal – a tail, growing from the base of her spine – a bright, blinding light and then a sharp bandaged sword – glowing, disembodied eyes, unseen monsters preying on innocent people – a dark bruise the size of her palm, purple-black and pulsing – a pink-haired girl and a tall blonde woman and an old man in robes and guns and lions and image after image, memory after memory rushes through her.

Yato and Yukine search her eyes as they go from bewildered to shocked to overwhelmed to an expression the God and his Shinki thought they'd never see again: recognition. Hiyori's breathing slows, heart rate slowing down, and the nausea disappears just as fast as it came. Kneeling before the bench, Yukine grins, the relief making him lightheaded – and slightly further away, Yato struggles not to cry.

But as she counts the time between her last memory and the present and realizes just _how long _it's been, Hiyori's gaze turns to pain and then, finally – anger.

* * *

13/07/2014 - The first story I've attempted in a long time, forgive my rusty writing. For my most recently joined fandom and the characters that stole my heart away and managed to break me of my writer's block. I'm not sure how long this is going to be, honestly, but definitely not over ten or so chapters. Updates should come every couple of day or weekly at the very latest. Comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thanks so much for reading!

Published also on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


	2. one - fall

**one – fall **

"_You need to be more careful," Hiyori berated, pressing a damp cloth to the cut on Yato's shoulder._

"_Pfft. Hiyori, I am a _God_," Yato replied haughtily. "This is nothing – _ow! _Shit. Do you have to press that hard?"_

"_Shut up. What did you even _do_?"_

"_I already told you." Yato looked away, the tips of his ears turning pink in embarrassment. "–I tripped and fell in an alleyway."_

"_And somehow – sliced your entire shoulder open?" Hiyori looked incredulous._

"_Um. Yes?" A moment of silence. "Relax. It's not as bad as it looks."_

"_Ugh. Why the hell were you even in an alleyway? And it's not about the homeless thing – we've been over this, you and Yukine can stay here anytime you want – so don't feed me that bullshit –"_

"_It was just a job," Yato interrupted. "I was chasing a cat – and I – uh – climbed onto a dumpster to get to it. And I lost my footing, and…Yeah. I fell."_

"_Dear Gods, what is it with you and cats – and I'm putting on some antiseptic; this might sting a bit but don't –"_

"Fuck!"_ Yato grabbed at the nearest thing – a pillow, he was sitting on Hiyori's bed – and dug his fingers in. "A bit?" he asked through gritted teeth. "You are trying to kill me, I swear."_

"_You seem to be doing a pretty good job of that yourself," Hiyori quipped._

_Yato looked away, unwilling to meet her eyes. (Or look at the curve of her cheek where the light from her lamp stuck her skin. He definitely wasn't looking there at all. Or at her pretty eyelashes, oh _no, _he was not.) What he _didn't_ want her to know was that there was no cat – there was nothing but his stupidity and his pushing Yukine too far. They'd been found by Bishamon – again. Yukine was doing great considering the circumstances, but he hadn't fully recovered from their previous fight with her – and _that _was a battle Yato would rather not remember for how close he came to dying – and they were both _tired_. Yukine had taken a few direct hits – but he'd done some damage, too, and together they'd managed to incapacitate two Bishamon's Shinki. Cracks had blossomed in Sekki's blade and still Yato kept going. _("We're so close, Yukine, don't give up on me now! Just – come on, just a little bit further!")_ It was only when Yukine was practically begging him to stop that Yato realized how bad it was; one more hit and Sekki would break. So of course the moment he notices is the moment Bishamon cracks her fucking whip and – long story short, his shoulder was split open, Sekki was slowly slipping from his grip, and it was time to hightail it the _fuck _out of there._

_But Hiyori wouldn't know any of that. The last thing Yato needed was to be chewed out for not taking better care of his Shinki, and the last thing _she_ needed was extra worries about Yukine – who was _totally _fine, by the way, sleeping everything off at Kofuku's and regaining his strength._

_(He could have stayed too, Yato knew. He hadn't needed to come all the way to Hiyori's to have her look at his shoulder – Daikoku could have done it faster and probably a lot better considering his experience taking care of Kofuku – but he didn't really want to think about his reasons how he'd sort of _wanted_ to see her and certainly not her lovely smile –)_

"_So is there a reason you came here all alone, or is Yukine just not interested in seeing me anymore."_

"_He's at – um – Kofuku's…helping out. With the shop. Or something. Daikoku asked." Not a _total _lie, Yato reassured himself, but Hiyori didn't buy it._

"_Uh-huh – s_ure _he is. You know, for someone who's lived so long you're a pretty awful liar."_

_Yato gulped, shifted slightly to the left, and said nothing. Hiyori finished wrapping gauze around his wound and tied it off, then sat back to inspect her handiwork._

"_You should be fine," she said at last. "It might scar, but you're lucky you don't need stitches. Now put your clothes back on." Yato grumbled, climbing off the bed and grabbing his sweatshirt – when had he taken it off? Or maybe she had, in looking at his shoulder. He shrugged and zipped it up, smiling to himself. _The less the better, _he thought, and – shit, hold up, _where _had that come from? He shook his head. Yeah – no. No _way_ he was letting himself go there. _Focus, _he breathed_. Focus.

"_And," Hiyori said as she gestured towards her open window, "go check on Yukine. Make sure he's – you know, _alive."

"_I told you, he's fine. Don't worry about it." Hiyori was about to open her mouth and argue when – "Hey–"_

"–_Yeah?"_

"_Um. Thanks. I didn't mean to trouble you."_

_Hiyori sighed. "Shut up – don't do it again."_

_Yato patted Hiyori's shoulder – pretended not to feel a shock at the contact – and moved past her to pause at the windowsill._

"_But actually, though," he insisted. Yato wasn't sure why he was repeating himself – normally he wouldn't have said it even _once – _but his shoulder did feel much more secure in her bandages – and, really, he ought to make a habit of treating his first – and only – follower better. Especially when she didn't kick him out for showing up in the middle of the night dripping blood and asking for help. And when she dressed his wounds for him. "Really. I mean it."_

"_Anything for you," Hiyori replied easily, almost unthinkingly, and Yato's eyes widened because he _swore _he could feel his breathing pick up – _crap, what the hell was his heart doing?_ – and there was a warm feeling in his insides, fuzzy and soft. He turned away before Hiyori could see the smile on his face._

"_Goodnight," he whispered._

"_Good–"_

_There was a flash of blue and then – Yato was gone._

"–_night."_

_. . . x X x . . ._

"He hasn't slept in a week."

"Hm. It showed."

"He isn't eating either. All he does is sit in the attic and stare at nothing."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yes. He doesn't reply."

"What about Yukine?"

"He at least is eating and sleeping – and crying a lot. But neither of them is saying anything."

"I imagine the crying stings Yato."

"If it does, he doesn't show it. Kazuma-san, I'm…worried about him. I don't know what happened to make him like this, but this is – _bad_. If you could help in any way, I would – ahem – I would really appreciate it."

"Kofuku-sama…I don't know what to say. I've never seen him like this before. Nor you, for that matter."

Sitting at the table in her dining room, Kofuku and Kazuma regard each other silently. The Goddess of Poverty, normally so bright and bubbly, is reserved, sombre. Her shoulders are tense; there is concern etched into the furrow between her brows and strung in her tone of voice – and Kazuma starts to feel the first pangs of genuine fear in his gut because if it's enough to quiet Kofuku, it's _serious._

"Daikoku's been taking care of Yukine as much as he can," she explains warily. "It's not easy for him, but he's trying his best."

As if on cue, the elder Shinki enters through a side door, sliding it shut behind him. He looks completely spent, and equally as troubled as his Goddess. He sits down beside Kofuku at the table and takes her hand in his, stroking her fingers reassuringly. Kazuma's eyes narrow at the open display of affection – not in disapproval – but he supposes that stress brings out this kind of behaviour in everyone. He shifts his gaze away, focusing instead on Daikoku.

"The kid's asleep," he reports, exhaustion evident in his voice. "Took me an hour, but I managed to get him to quiet down." Daikoku sighs deeply, bringing a hand to his chin. "This is…this is _awful, _Kazuma-san. It hasn't been this bad since –"

"Yes, but that was years ago. And even then, it was different."

"It can't –" Kofuku clears her throat, tries again. "It can't have anything to do with _that, _can it?"

"Not after so long," Kazuma shakes his head.

Kofuku bites her lip and looks away. "Right. You're – right, Kazuma-san." There is a beat of silence, then: "But…I mean, not after –"

"_No,_" Daikoku commands forcefully. "Definitely not. You're worrying yourself needlessly, Kofuku."

_Although, _thinks Kazuma, _she may be right to. The only other time Yato's ever been like this was when he – but it's been – Kofuku-sama even said – it's been _years. _This couldn't be…_

_Could it? _

"I can check," offers Kazuma. "It's unlikely, but since they're not talking it would be best to make sure just in case."

"Thank you, Kazuma-san," Daikoku says.

"It's nothing. I'm sorry I wasn't able to be of more service. I will return tomorrow, or the day after at the latest should Veena – _ahem – _Vaisravana-sama require my help."

Kofuku nods at him and Daikoku squeezes her fingers slightly, reassuring her. There is a long moment of silence and then Daikoku gets up. He pours two cups of tea, places one in front of his Goddess, and retakes his seat, knowing full well that he has maybe an hour or two at most before Yukine wakes up from a nightmare and he will have to go comfort the boy again. It's meant as a gesture of comfort, normality – but Kofuku does not touch her cup, and neither of them gets any sleep that night.

_. . . x X x . . ._

_Yato returned to Kofuku's shrine that night in with his head in another world. He bumped his head twice on the way in and smashed into one of the vending machines outside the shop – much to an observing Kofuku's amusement – then dodged her questions about where he'd been, heading upstairs to check on Yukine. The boy was asleep, passed out on his bed in the attic room they shared. (Well. Shared was a loose term. Yato thought of it as sharing – Daikoku thought of it as forced entry and trespassing.) _

_Satisfied that his Shinki was alive and more-or-less well, Yato slid the screen door shut and went back downstairs. _I told her he was fine, _he thought. _A little sleep and he'll be good as new. _He entered the Kofuku's living room with a stupid grin and his eyes glazed over, imagining Hiyori wrapping his shoulder in bandages, remembering her gentle touch, and – _

"_Yato. Yato…Oi, are you _drunk_?"_

_Yato startled at the sound of Daikoku's voice. He turned – caught the hem of his sweats on something conveniently ill-placed – and fell on his ass._

"_Shit, you can't even stand up straight," Daikoku laughed from the kitchen doorway. "No way that's good for you right after a fight."_

"_No, no, Daikoku-kun," corrected Kofuku. __"He went to visit _Hiyori-_chan."_

_Yato sputtered, stretching out uncomfortably on the hard floor. "What the hell? No! I – uh. I'm not drunk. And I didn't visit Hiyori."_

_The Goddess giggled. "You need to be more careful, Yato-chan, or she's going to notice how you feel."_

"_Um. I don't know what you're talking about," Yato replied indignantly, turning his back to her – and then hissed – fucking karma – when he brushed his bad shoulder along the wall. "Now if you'll excuse me," he continued, "I need to sleep." _

"_Not in my living room, you don't!" Daikoku called from the kitchen._

"_Fuck off," Yato grumbled._

_Kofuku laughed, sweet and tinkling like bells. "Yato-chan?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_You're an awful liar," she whispered, and Yato didn't quite know what he replied – something maybe like, _funny, that's the second time I've heard that tonight – _and perhaps he said Hiyori's name in there somewhere – but he was tired and his shoulder hurt so he closed his eyes and fell asleep thinking of long brown hair and bright eyes._

_(And at her table, Kofuku smiled – softly, knowingly.)_

* * *

16/07/2014 - Here's the second chapter. The story will update every Wednesday and Sunday, I'm finding that three days or so is around how much time I need to plan, write, and edit a chapter. Among, of course, work and catching up on shows and reading and - dear lord - SAT prep. Comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated - thanks for reading, I'll see you next time!

Published also on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


	3. two - throw

**two – throw**

"I need you to do a final check in sectors three-point-three and three-point-four, and a preliminary sweep of sectors three-point-five to three-point-eight so I can – Kazuma? Are you listening to me?"

"What – yes, of course. Final check in three and four, and prelim in point-five to eight."

"…Okay." Bishamon narrows her eyes. "Um – also, when you're done with that, I'm going to need you to sort through some wishes from the shrine. Nothing much, but there are some misdirected requests we need to pass along." Bishamon hands him a small stack of papers – the wishes, no doubt, but Kazuma barely glances at them.

"Right. I'll start on the sweeps at once," he says, standing up. He pushes his in chair with one hand and is almost out the door when –

"–Kazuma."

He pauses. "Is there anything else?"

"I – no, there isn't. You just…seem distracted. Is everything alright?"

The Shinki's eyes soften. "Everything is fine, Veena," he reassures. "Do not worry."

His Goddess looks at him for a moment longer then, with a nod, sends him off. Kazuma hurries out of the meeting room and down the hall. He stops a passing Shinki – a girl, maybe ten years old – and instructs her to take the papers to his room. Then, picking up his pace, he makes his way down the maze of corridors that is Bishamon's residence and out of the shrine, exiting at last into the city.

Kazuma breathes, finally. He doesn't like keeping things from Bishamon – although he hadn't _technically _lied – but the peace she's made with Yato is shaky at best and if she knew where he was going she would forbid him from leaving.

"I'm sorry, Veena," the Shinki mutters to himself as he starts walking, "the sweeps are going to have to wait a while…"

Unlike the Gods, Kazuma doesn't have the benefit of flash-stepping – or teleporting or whatever the hell it is that they do – nor a massive lion to carry him places. So, he contents himself to travelling by foot. The trip, thankfully, shouldn't be too long, maybe thirty minutes of walking. (And besides, he likes the city, although he _so rarely_ gets to see it the way he'd like to – without having to worry about ayakashi or fulfilling wishes or _whatever_ other jobs Bishamon has for him.) Kazuma takes his time, enjoying the early evening atmosphere, watching the passing people – _careless, happy_ – and listening to the sound of their laughter.

He reaches the university dormitory just as the sun disappears beyond the horizon. The building is much the same as it was the last time he was there – he tries not to dwell on how long ago _that_ was – a little run-down, a little worse-for-wear, but generally welcoming. Lights shine in the windows of few rooms. It may be the University of Tokyo, but it's the weekend – and even the most diligent of students make at least some time for going out with friends.

Kazuma takes a deep breath and enters, hoping that the room assignments haven't changed. He slips through the front door unseen and heads to the fifth floor. The halls are quiet, empty, and most doors he passes are closed. The Shinki approaches his destination – room 527, if he remembers correctly – and feels, suddenly, the slightest bit uneasy. The door is open. Soft music spills into the hallway and before he has the chance to contemplate turning back, Kazuma finds himself standing in the doorway, looking at –

– Hiyori; sitting at her desk, reading from a textbook and taking notes.

Kazuma releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. _She looks fine, _he thinks. _She looks – _lovely, _actually. _And then, with a sad smile, _she looks more mature – older. _He sighs, ready to leave, when Hiyori looks up. Slowly, she turns around. He's still smiling, expecting her gaze to pass through him, the way it's always been – but she fixes her eyes on him – on him, _on _him, looking _right at _him – and her expression is one of pure, unbridled _fury._

"You," she says in a low tone. There is a sharp – _crack – _and the pencil in her hand snaps in half.

Kazuma's blood turns to ice.

"You – how – _how dare you?"_

She's on her feet in less than a second and the only thing he can think as her palm connects with his cheek is – _She can see me. She can _see me.

And then –

– _Shit._

. . . x X x . . .

_Yato had to admit, maybe "a little sleep" hadn't made Yukine good as new. But he _was _better than four days ago – it was just that one cut on his side that wasn't healing as fast as Yato thought it would. And also that other one on his arm. So – _okay – _maybe he was _a bit_ worse off than originally estimated, but the kid was strong, Yato knew, he could walk around just fine. Plus, it wasn't like he was doing work anyway._

_The boy in question was lounging in a chair on their client's front porch, enjoying the shade, as he had been since they'd arrived – while Yato had been slaving away in the sun, cleaning the yard for almost three hours. It wasn't pleasant, especially in the early autumn heat. He had already taken off his scarf and sweatshirt and was serious considering removing his shirt, too._

"_Oi!" Yukine called. "You didn't cut it straight."_

_Yato stopped cutting the hedge, turned. "Why don't you come over here and help me?"_

_Yukine held up his bandaged arm. "Injury, remember?" Then, grinning wickedly. "That's okay, no need to worry 'bout me. I don't mind _supervising_ you."_

"_Fucking brat," Yato huffed. (And if it weren't for the guilt he felt, Yato would have taken it lightly. But as it was, Yukine had a point – injury, indeed, and one _he_ was responsible for.)_

"_Yeah, yeah," Yukine laughed. "Get to – oh." He picked up Yato's phone – currently vibrating – from his discarded sweatshirt. "It's Hiyori-chan."_

"_What?" Yato dropped the clippers. "Give it here."_

_Yukine ignored him, standing up on the lawn chair. He slid his thumb across the screen to answer. "Hey, Hiyori-chan!"_

Yukine-kun? _Hiyori's voice came from the other end. _Hi! Uh – where's Yato?

"_Working," Yukine replied, pushing a scowling Yato away with his good hand. The God, in the meantime, was trying to grab at the phone – to no avail – high in Yukine's grasp. _

Ah. No vandalism, I hope.

"_No, just some shitty lawn work." Yukine heard Hiyori snicker._

Well, are you guys almost done? I'm just in the park. I thought that we could – uh – hang out, maybe? When you're done, of course, there's no rush.

"_Yeah, that sounds great Hiyori-chan! We'll be done soon, there's only a bit more to – _hey!" _From her end, Hiyori heard a bit of a scuffle – some rather unpleasant swearing – and the sound of something toppling over. There was a – "Come, Sekki!" – the distinct clatter of metal hitting the ground, then – _

"_Hi, Hiyori."_

Ah – Yato? Is everything alright?

"_Oh yeah," the God smiled, hefting his sword (and ignoring the stream of curses he was getting in his head from the Shinki). "So what was that about the park I heard?"_

Um – I'm kind of just by myself. Yama-chan cancelled at the last minute – something about shopping – so I was wondering if you'd like to join me._ A moment of silence. _And Yukine, too,_ Hiyori added._

"_For sure. Hold on just _one _minute…"_

_Yato set the phone down on the porch table, grabbed Sekki and in one fluid motion, sliced the hedge perfectly straight. (In his head, Yukine complained – loudly and annoyingly – _I'm not a gardening tool, you prick! Bring me back right now!_)_

"_Heh. Should have thought of that sooner."_

_He scooped up his jacket and scarf in one hand, brought the phone back to his ear, satisfied._

–to? Yato, hello? Still there?

"_Okay. All done. We'll be right there."_

_Yato flash-stepped – or used his mighty Godly powers of teleportation, as he liked to think of it – and in an instant had appeared, sword in hand, in front of Hiyori. _

"_Hey."_

_Hiyori smiled, not even fazed. "Hey – how was the lawn work?"_

"_Surprisingly fast." Yato grinned, glancing at Sekki. He made a light cutting motion and Hiyori laughed._

"_Shouldn't you – release him?"_

"_Awh. But he's so much better this way." Yato paused. "_However,_" he said smartly, "since you asked – return, Yukine!"_

_There was a flash of white as Yukine's character glowed brightly and he materialized._

"_Ugh," he said, "about _time."

"_Shut the hell up," Yato griped. Yukine rolled his eyes and turned to Hiyori, beaming._

"_Hi, Hiyori-chan!"_

"_Hello, Yukine-kun. How've you been since your _cat chase?_"_

"_Is _that_ what he told you?" Yukine eyed Yato disdainfully. Then, pulling up his sleeve, he showed Hiyori his bandaged arm._

_Hiyori gasped. _

"_Oh, but this is nothing – you should see my side."_

"_What _happened?"

_Yukine shrugged. "What usually happens. We fought with Bishamon."_

"_You – _what."

_Hiyori spun around, grabbed Yato's shoulder – a little roughly, she realized too late, and a small part of her felt bad when he gritted this teeth in pain – and sat him on the bench. Arms crossed, she stood over him, a frown on her face._

"_When were you going to tell me you two fought Bishamon?"_

"_Um. I wasn't?"_

"_Yato. Good gods – of all the _stupid _things you could do. I mean, I knew you weren't actually chasing cats, but honestly – I've told you again and again – don't get in her way! It's dangerous – she's too powerful, and she wants to _kill you. _I mean, if not for yourself, then at least for Yukine-kun!" Behind Hiyori, Yukine grinned. Yato made a mental note to kill the boy later. "You have to be careful or he's going to get hurt – and you're going to get blighted, too – and – I've _told _you this before, why do you _never _listen to me?" Yato stared at the ground guiltily. "I assume you haven't yet, so – apologize to Yukine-kun."_

"_I already –"_

"_No," Yukine interrupted. "No you haven't."_

_Hiyori narrowed her eyes. Yato opened his mouth, ready to defend himself. Hiyori raised a brow. Yato sighed._

_Turning to Yukine, he said, "I'm sorry."_

"_And?"_

"_And…as your master I accept responsibility for what happened."_

"_And?"_

"_And I promise I'll be more careful when it comes to Bishamon."_

"And?"

"_And…what else do you want? I'll buy you ice cream."_

"_Whoa. I was going for like – it won't happen again – or something. But that's good too."_

_Yato sputtered and Yukine grinned devilishly and Hiyori, smiling brightly, took both their hands and led them to the ice cream stand._

_. . x X x . ._

It takes Kazuma an hour, two slaps across the face, and three or four thrown objects to calm Hiyori down enough to be able to – more or less – talk to her rationally. She'd screamed, at first, and Kazuma couldn't understand how the rest of the building didn't seem to hear or notice or care. She'd called him every name under the sun and just when Kazuma was considering throwing a bind and getting out of there, she had slammed the door, sat him down at her desk, and pinned him with a glare more effective at immobilizing than any binding he'd ever produce.

"Explain," she says.

"Um. I think you have more to explain than I."

"Like?"

"Like how you can see me when –"

"That should be pretty _fucking_ obvious," Hiyori replied, voice dripping with venom. "That _son of a bitch_ came to undo what he did five years ago."

The words it Kazuma hard and he realizes that it has, in fact, been five years. He looks devastated for a moment, and privately, Hiyori feels some kind of smug satisfaction.

When he regains his voice, Kazuma says, "Do you mean – are you saying that _Yato-san_ –"

"_Yes."_

"But he – I mean, that's – he severed your bonds."

"I am _aware_, Kazuma." Hiyori frowns, sitting on her small bed. Her hands, Kazuma notices, are shaking. "He – shit, I don't know – he came to see me while I was at a shrine. I bumped into him – didn't recognize him – although now I'm convinced he had the whole thing planned out. I got really dizzy – I thought I was going to pass out – and then everything just – came rushing back all at once."

"Have you been losing your body?"

"_Quid pro quo."_

Kazuma raises a brow. "Fair enough."

"I haven't, but heaven knows I could, any moment now. Did Ya– did _he _send you?"

"He didn't. I – I offered to check, for Kofuku-sama and Daikoku-san. We take turns, occasionally, checking on you."

Hiyori winces at their names and Kazuma thinks he might be getting into dangerous territory now, mentioning them. He pushes forward anyways.

"Have you been bothered by ayakashi? Can you see them?"

"That was two questions, but – no, and no." Kazuma sighs, relieved.

"It's been – it's been almost _five years," _Hiyori spits out, clenching a fist. "I can't even – say his fucking _name. _I can't think about him without being overwhelmed by _rage – _I just – wait. Wait. Did you say you and – ahem – Kofuku and Daikoku take turns checking on me?"

"…Yes."

"You were _in _on it. You knew this entire time and you – you said _nothing?" _Hiyori's voice rises in pitch. Kazuma senses he's made a mistake. "This _entire time,_ you _knew _that I didn't have any _memories _of him and you _didn't come to see me? You didn't do anything?"_

The Shinki does not reply. He cannot deny it any more than he can pretend it never happened. No matter how much he's starting to want to.

Hiyori gets to her feet, visibly shaking.

"Get out," she says.

"Hiyori-san, please –"

"_Now. _And don't you dare say a thing to Kofuku or Daikoku. Don't you fucking _dare."_

Kazuma gazes at Hiyori for a moment and – before she can throw the _fifth _thing at him – nods, then steps out. He closes the door behind him and hurries down the hall, looking back over his shoulder. Emotions swirl in his head – surprise and disbelief, mainly, coupled with more than a little displeasure – but he forces himself to stifle them. It's not his job to get emotionally involved, he reminds himself.

_Too late. _

With a frown, he starts making his way home.

He wishes he'd done Bishamon's sweeps instead.

* * *

21/07/2014 - Here's the third chapter. Technically, since it's past midnight, I'm a day late with the update but I've been busy all weekend - and it's really close anyway - so I can be excused just this once. Thanks for the lovely reviews - you're all wonderful human beings. Comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thanks so much for reading - I'll see you guys Wednesday!

Published also on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


	4. three - tell

**three – tell**

_It took two weeks for Yukine's arm to heal completely, a time during which they took no jobs and the boy talked almost continuously. At some point, Yato – still not over the loss of his precious, precious yen spent on ice cream for the three of them – gave up trying to get him to shut up and resigned himself to the incessant chatter. (To be fair – it was a welcome change from the broody, standoffish attitude he used to have – and Yato would take the talking over the angry silence any day. But honestly, he wanted to slice his own ears off.)_

_So, when Hiyori had asked if Yukine felt up to a study session, Yato had jumped at the chance for some peace and quiet. It had taken a fair bit of convincing (read: begging) Daikoku to let them use the attic for their study space. (But then, the Shinki wasn't going to say _no. _He had a soft spot for Hiyori and an even softer one for Yukine. No matter how much he disliked Yato.) And – there they were. Studying._

_Well. _Yukine_ was studying. Hiyori was helping him. Yato – who so desperately wanted a nap – couldn't fall asleep. He blamed the scratching of pen on paper and occasional conversation, but couldn't keep from looking at Hiyori. She had her hair up in a ponytail and was wearing jeans and a t-shirt._

She's so pretty, _thought Yato. _Her hair's nice when it's up. And her smile is…_fuck_, no, stop that! _Mentally berating himself, Yato forced his gaze away, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. What was _with _him? First, two weeks ago – _the less the fucking better, what the _hell _was that? _– and now this. Yato shook his head vigorously, dispelling the thoughts._

_"Ah, Yato? Are you alright?" _

_The God startled._

_"Um. Yeah. It's just…my neck. It – uh – hurts. My neck hurts." Yato didn't need to look at her to know she was unimpressed._

_Across the table, Yukine stared at him, like: _real smooth.

_Yato stared back, like: _shut the fuck up and do your fractions, brat.

_Yukine rolled his eyes and passed his paper to Hiyori, who turned back and started marking his work. _

_"You're doing really well, Yukine-kun," she said. "You're very – aha, a mistake. The whole problem's right but the last step. Be careful when you simplify." Hiyori handed the paper back to Yukine. She leaned back, glanced at Yato, and smiled softly. _His neck hurts – yeah right. He's ridiculous – ridiculous but adorable. _Hiyori blushed slightly, tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Yukine, ever observant, raised a brow._

Well, _he thought. _This is interesting. _He returned his work and Hiyori handed him the next page._

_"Ugh, seeing all this makes me think of the stuff I have to do at home," Hiyori said, scowling. Yato sat up._

_"You're not doing your work?" he asked and – was that concern in his voice?_

_"Well yes – but I've had so much to do outside of school – so I'm behind. There's a bunch of stuff I didn't get the chance to finish so I didn't hand it in."_

_"That's not – that's probably not a good idea, Hiyori-chan," advised Yukine._

_"I mean," continued Yato, "spending time with us is nice. But school comes first."_

_"Guys, relax. It's really not all that bad – and I know _how _to do it, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I suppose it can't be helped." Hiyori waved her hand, and that was that. Yato, unconvinced, pressed his lips together and wondered why he was so worried. _She manages,_ he reminded himself. _She always manages.

_"Oh yeah, Yato?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Have you – ahem – I mean did you at all get the chance to think about – or maybe ask about – my _condition?_"_

_Yato froze._

_Her condition – losing her body. It had been two since the accident, since she'd met Yato and Yukine and had been dragged into their wonderful, dangerous world. Hiyori had gained much control over her spirit form, but she couldn't transform at will – and her human body was just as vulnerable as ever._

_Yato sputtered guiltily. "I – um. Well. You see, I hadn't really gotten around to – that is, I haven't _asked, _per se – but. Um. I've given it some thought? Uh –"_

_"What he _means," _interrupted Yukine, "is that he hasn't thought about it at all or asked anyone."_

_Hiyori frowned slightly and Yato hung his head, ashamed. _

_"Well," she sighed. "Again, can't be helped, I suppose. You're very busy – and Yukine was hurt, too – but just – give it some thought, yeah? This is important for me."_

_"I'm sorry," he mumbled. He'd long since dropped the haughty act when it came to her condition. And he hadn't _purposefully _ignored her wish – okay, maybe on some occasions he had put it on the side burner – but truthfully, with everything going on in his life – the ever increasing fights with Bishamon, the jobs, Yukine being hurt, this sudden warmth in his chest every time he was around Hiyori – it had just slipped his mind. Like most things, they'd all gotten used to it and it had just seamlessly become a more or less normal aspect of their lives._

_Still, to Hiyori it was important, and as the God she'd wished to it was his responsibility to make it happen._

_"Don't be," Hiyori said after a long pause. She reached over, rested a hand on his shoulder. Yato looked up sharply and met her eyes. Her expression was earnest, if a bit disappointed. Then, realizing where she was touching him – realizing that she was _touching _him – Hiyori jerked her hand away awkwardly._

_"Ahem – Yukine-kun, that's the rest of it." She shoved a few papers at Yukine, blushing furiously. "You know the steps."_

_"Ah, you're going?"_

_"I'm sorry, it's – rather late. Can we meet, say, in three days? At my house this time – I don't think Daikoku-san appreciates us turning his attic into our private study." Yukine nodded. "Great. Then – I'll be off. Oh, this is going to be much more unpleasant without my scarf."_

_The uncharacteristically high temperatures had dropped in the previous two weeks and a cold front had moved in, bringing with it overcast skies and on-and-off rain. Hiyori wore a light jacket and her favourite pink scarf – or _would _wear, rather, had she not lost it._

_"What happened to your scarf?" Yukine asked._

_"I left it in the shopping district a few days ago. I'd go back and look for it, but – well, I'd never find it." Hiyori laughed, grabbed her papers – and it actually _was _late, she needed to get home in time for dinner – and with a quick goodbye, disappeared out the attic door._

_Yato hadn't moved, transfixed by the feeling of her hand on his shoulder. Yukine rolled his eyes, shoved him over, and got to finishing the first part of the homework._

_"Idiot," he muttered. "Pure, utter idiot."_

. . . x X x . . .

As promised, Kazuma returns to Kofuku's shop the following evening. The Goddess greets him at the door, offers him some tea – he declines politely, not intending to stay long.

"Daikoku is upstairs," she says, "with Yato. He still isn't eating." Kazuma frowns and follows Kofuku through a sliding screen door and up the stairs. The attic is small and sparsely furnished. In one corner, on a sleeping mat, is Yukine. The boy is sitting up, wrapped in a blanket, staring across the room to where Yato sits with his back turned on a second mat. He doesn't seem to have moved since Kazuma was last there. Daikoku kneels beside Yato, holding a bowl of soup, and Kazuma thinks that for a God, he looks more like a sick child. Kazuma remembers a time when the room used to be their default living space, bright and full of life – now, the place feels like death.

Hearing them enter, Daikoku stands, still holding the bowl of soup.

"Ah, Kazuma-san. Thank you for coming. Have you checked on –"

"Cutting straight to the chase, I see. Yes, I've – I have checked." Kazuma's eyes focus on the God. He swears he sees Yato's fists clench. Slowly, he continues. "I went yesterday, too see – her." Again, Yato's hands tighten, and Kazuma suddenly understands.

"Kazuma-san," Kofuku says gently, "perhaps we should discuss this downstairs?"

"No, it's better up here." Kofuku furrows her brows, bites her lip. Still, she doesn't say anything, gesturing for him to continue.

Kazuma presses on, addressing Yato's still back more than anyone. "I went to see Hiyori at her university dorm. She –" He pauses, recalling Hiyori's words ordering him not to say anything – and looking at Yato, he sees the clear tension in the God's shoulders, the way his fists are clenched so tight his knuckles are white. He feels an overpowering feeling of guilt well up inside him and pushes it down ruthlessly. "She's fine," he lies. "She doesn't remember anything and looks to be doing well."

"Oh." Kofuku's voice is small. "Well. That's – good, I suppose."

"It _is_ good," Daikoku says forcefully. "It's very good. Hiyori's doing fine, so we don't need to worry about her."

"But – if it's not her, what could possibly –" She cuts herself off, gesturing with one hand to Yato and Yukine.

"I don't know, Kofuku, but whatever it is Kazuma-san has helped us a lot by checking, so – oi, don't cry. This isn't the end of it, we'll get them both better."

Kazuma looks at Kofuku, concerned, and is surprised to see the Goddess trying to hold back tears. _Dammit, _he thinks. _It didn't work. I thought for sure he was waiting to hear about Hiyori, but he hasn't said or done anything. Although – he has relaxed somewhat. And Yukine too._

"Kofuku, let's – let's go downstairs. Let's get some tea, yeah? Kazuma-san, would you like some tea as well?"

Daikoku seems to be in full-parent mode, wrapping an arm around Kofuku's shoulders and gently rubbing her arm in comfort. The bowl of soup is still in his other hand. Despite having declined tea once already, Kazuma nods and turns to follow the others out of the attic. They're just at the door when there's a – _rustle, _on the mats, and someone clears their throat loudly. Instantly, Kofuku and Daikoku turn around.

Yato, sitting on the mat, has moved. Kazuma hears Kofuku take a sharp breath in and Daikoku's arm tightens around her shoulders, holing her in place.

"I –" Yato stops, tries again. "I'm kind of – ahem – hungry." He stretches out an arm, points at Daikoku. "Could I maybe have some of that?"

Kofuku and Daikoku rush forward, and even Yukine gets of his mat, crowding around him. Kofuku and Yukine are talking at once and Daikoku is trying to push food into Yato's mouth – but Yato's eyes are trained on Kazuma. He nods his head slightly, a silent thank you.

Kazuma bows and, amid the chaos, slips out unnoticed.

. . . x X x . . .

_"Here it is, Hiyori-chan," Yukine said, handing her the stack of papers: his completed homework._

_"Good job!" Hiyori smiled, grabbing a pen off her cluttered desk. "Let's check over it."_

_A voice from the bed piped up, "Do you guys really have to do this?"_

_"Hush, Yato." Hiyori didn't even glance at the God, sprawled out on the comfortable mattress._

"Urgh,"_ Yato sighed. _"_But this is so_ boring."

_"We've barely started," Hiyori protested. _

_"And you should hurry up and finish."_

_"Shut _up_," interrupted Yukine, shooting daggers at his master. "You're cutting into my work time, you ass."_

_"I'll cut into _you, _you little –"_

_"Yukine-kun's right – although, you watch your language." Hiyori paused, scanned over the next set. "Aha! Again, Yukine-kun, I told you – be careful when you're simplifying. You've got the whole problem right – the most difficult parts are perfect – but the last step is wrong. And there's another one like that too. I want you to do these two over while I check the rest, okay? As for you –" Hiyori turned to Yato "– stop sulking." The God looked up, head hanging off the side of the bed. Everything was upside down; from his angle, Hiyori's frown looked like a strange smile, and Yato couldn't help but to grin. _

_"Stop that," Hiyori insisted. _(You look cute when you're upside down – why do you look cute when you're upside down. Why do you look cute at all? Shit. Stop – stop smiling. You're annoyed that he's interrupting your study session. Even if his hair is messy and you want to run your fingers through it.)_ She got up, opened her desk drawer – nearly pushing over a pile of textbooks – and took out her wallet, from which she pulled a few thousand-yen bills._

_"Here," said Hiyori. "This should be more than enough. Go make yourself useful and get us some snacks."_

_Yato, pouting, got off the bed. His hair was still messy – and when he took the bills in her outstretched hand, their fingers brushed. (He pretended he didn't let his himself linger over her skin longer than he should have.) Hiyori turned away before he could see her blush and Yato, eyeing her desk on his way past, walked out her bedroom door, down the stairs, and out of the house. (In his jacket pocket, his fingertips tingled.)_

_It wasn't far to the store from Hiyori's house, maybe a seven minute walk there and back – enough time for her to go over Yukine's work entirely, show him his mistakes and for him to correct them._

_Despite his incessant complaining about their studying, Yato was proud of his Shinki for taking the initiative. It may have been basic level stuff – or basic to Yato, who, considering his age, had long since mastered all of it – but probably exactly where Yukine left off when he'd died. It showed that he was willing to study and work to improve himself, something Yato admired. Still, he didn't want Yukine getting full of himself – praise rarely fell on his ears, but he hoped the kid knew that he approved of his efforts, not matter how boring the study sessions were for him personally._

_Yato rounded the corner at the end of Hiyori's street. Speaking of studying – Hiyori hadn't seemed to be doing much of that herself, lately. Whenever they were over her desk was piled high with notebooks and textbooks and countless practice sheets, most of which were half empty or completely untouched. She was also spending more time than usual with them – or at the very least, more time than she ever had before. Which Yato enjoyed, of course. (Really, _really_ enjoyed, actually.) It wasn't that he wanted her to _stop _coming to see him (and Yukine, he added as an afterthought), but he worried about her._

_Her grades had to be slipping, Yato thought. There was no way, with the amount of time she currently dedicated to school, she could maintain a very good average. Maybe enough for a second-rate university, but certainly not for the prestigious University of Tokyo she aimed for. _

_Turning left a second time, Yato continued down a smaller, narrower road through the suburbs. Still – he couldn't deny, being around Hiyori more was nice. Hiyori herself was nice. (_Amazing, _a nagging voice in his head corrected. _Kind and caring and honest and intelligent and just _amazing.) His heart rate picked up and he felt his stomach do a flip. _(She's beautiful, too. She's got the loveliest eyes and sweetest laugh and when she smiles at you your breathing stops entirely.)

_Yato shook his head gruffly. Finally reaching the corner store – literally at a corner of a tiny intersection – he went in, grabbed the first thing he could find – potato chips and gummy bears – and went straight to the cash. He paid with Hiyori's bills, shoved the change in his pocket, and left. If he hurried, he could make it back in five minutes and – _shit, stop it!

_Why the hell was he thinking like this? Ever since the fight with Bishamon – no, before that, months ago, he'd started seeing Hiyori…differently. And while it was only an occasional thought at first, now it was consistent and continuous and Yato didn't want to dwell on what it meant. (_Because you're afraid to admit that you're –) _Because suddenly, Hiyori was no longer the only friend and believer he had – she was gorgeous and her laugh made his heart flutter and every time she touched him – however briefly – he felt an electric shock at the contact._

_If he was being honest with himself, Yato knew what it was. He'd known for a while now and had just – refused to believe it out of sheer stubborn will. Yato quickened his pace to a jog and reached Hiyori's house in another three minutes, determined to put the ideas from his mind and _not _do something stupid that would inevitably ruin the most important friendship in his life._

_He slipped through the front door, back up the stairs and into Hiyori's room. As he entered, he heard Hiyori laugh – she turned to him and her smile widened and, indeed, his breath nearly left him._

_(Yato realized, then, that the nagging voice in his head was his own and he undeniably had feelings for Hiyori.)_

* * *

24/07/2014 - I'm making a bad habit of updating after midnight, it seems. Still, I was quite busy today - I biked 13 kilometers, made something like a liter of tea, did a practice SAT test and managed to somehow find the time to add finishing touches and editing on this chapter, albeit a bit late. Thank you so much to everyone who follows, reviews and favourites, it means a lot to me and really is the reason I keep writing. And thank you especially to the one reviewer a while back who pointed out that Kofuku calls uses -chan instead of -kun for Yato - it was noted and fixed, and will be used correctly in future chapters. As usual, comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you all next time!

Published also on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


	5. four - weight

**four – weight**

It is pure chance that Hiyori happens to see Kazuma again. She's wandering alone in Shinjuku – stalking around angrily, more like, trying to find a present for a friend whose birthday she should have remembered the previous week but could not bring herself to care about in the least. She's low on cash (and to be fair, what university student _isn't), _and short on time – and she wonders, honestly, why she bothered to take the train for _half an hour_ to get there. She's ready to give up and go home with a shitty half-assed apology when she sees him across the street.

Kazuma's dressed in his usual get-up, suit and everything, and at first Hiyori thinks he's followed her. Her mind jumps to angry conclusions about _who_ exactly sent him but she sees Kazuma holding something, and the shock of recognizing that it's an ayakashi – _an ayakashi, a fucking _ayakashi, _how long has it been since she's seen one of those – _convinces her that he's out doing something for Bishamon.

Kazuma stands in a side alley away from the pedestrian traffic with a tiny ayakashi in his hand. Hiyori tries to keep as quiet as possible as she approaches. The closer she gets, the more she thinks the small being is shaped – well, almost like an animal. From a distance, it looks minuscule and harmless but she can't help the instinctual waves of fear and disgust that wash over her.

"Hiyori-san." (And of course he knows – he's Kazuma. In all likelihood he'd seen her first.) Hiyori stops a few feet away from him at the mouth of the alley, and stares as he pokes the blue thing in his hand.

"It's a pity," he says after some time, "that they're twisted masses of hatred and negativity. Some of them are – almost cute."

With a flick of his wrist and a muttered spell under his breath, the ayakashi disappears, and Kazuma turns to face Hiyori fully. He remains silent, regarding her expectantly. Hiyori doesn't honestly know why she came up to him. She feels the anger in her chest rear its head, but with it, too, more than a little guilt. A small voice in her head tells Hiyori she was unfair the last time she saw Kazuma.

"I –" Hiyori stops, looks at her shoes. Memories resurface, endless conversations and laughs and a genuine friendship she had with this man. She kicks a pebble and before she can change her mind, blurts out, "I have tea."

Kazuma looks confused. "Pardon me?"

"I have – tea. In my dorm, I mean – I have tea if, maybe, you'd like some?"

"I would like that, yes," Kazuma nods.

Without another word, Hiyori spins on her heel and starts down the street to Shinjuku station. The walk isn't too far and before long they're both on the train, headed to the University. They ride in silence, Kazuma unnoticed by the people on the train. Hiyori keeps her eyes on him at all times – more out of fear than anything else – because the world around her has suddenly become _a lot _more terrifying. All around her – on her _own _shoulder – are ayakashi, twisted forms of all colours praying on the negativity of the people in the city. She pushes the beast – shaped something like a malformed lion – off her shoulder and is disappointed not to feel her wrath diminish. (A voice in her head tells her she is stupid if she thinks that's all it will take.) In an instant, it climbs back on and just as Hiyori is starting to panic, Kazuma creates a small barrier and the thing runs away screaming. Hiyori nods gratefully – the two of them disembark at Hongo Sanchome Station and, though he knows the way well, Kazuma lets Hiyori lead.

They enter the dorm building and go up the stairs to Hiyori's floor. It's a school night, Kazuma notices, and the majority of students are studying. Hiyori lets him into her room and shuts the door behind him. She gestures for him to sit, so Kazuma plops himself down on the bed, and Hiyori plugs in a pre-filled kettle to the wall.

"I was going to have tea while I studied," she explains a little pointlessly. "But then I had to go and – the bathroom's pretty far – I didn't want to bother emptying it so I just left the water in there."

"Right."

An awkward silence descends over the room. Kazuma sits still, and at her desk Hiyori won't stop fidgeting. She looks around the room, at the walls and the floor and ceiling and everywhere she can, really, except at him. When the kettle beeps, she practically jumps out of her chair to get it. She pulls out two mugs from a drawer in her desk and fills them with water, adding the tea bags when she's done.

"It's just green tea – I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. Thank you." Kazuma takes his mug and sips his tea thoughtfully, not bothered in the least by the burning liquid. Hiyori sets her own down on her desk, and steels herself – _no point beating around the bush now; just ask already. _

She opens her mouth to speak when Kazuma cuts her off.

"You can see the ayakashi now?"

"I – what?" It takes Hiyori a moment to register his words, and then another to understand the question. "No," she replies. "Well, yes, but the one you were holding today was the first one. And then on the way home everything just kind of – became visible, all at once. But it's strange, I don't think I can see them anymore."

"Temporary acute awareness," Kazuma explains. "It's not common, but it happens. You shouldn't be able to see them again unless they're pointed out to you." Kazuma brings his mug to his mouth. "Now, since I know you didn't ask me for tea for no reason – is there something you'd like to ask me?"

Hiyori takes an agonizing breath. "How is – I mean, how _are – _how are they?"

Kazuma stares blankly. Hiyori makes a noise of discomfort in her throat, and, swallowing her anger, clarifies.

"Yukine," she says tightly. "And – and _Yato. _How are they?"

"Ah. They are doing well enough, Hiyori-san." The girl's brows furrow and Kazuma continues, choosing his words carefully. "They were both in a…difficult state. Yato-san in particular was especially _delicate, _mentally, and Yukine-san was quite shaken up emotionally." Kazuma pauses and Hiyori can almost hear the unsaid words, _because of you. "_They're much better now, however. Both of them are eating and sleeping properly – actually, Yato-san is catching up on his rest – but neither is talking."

_Thank the Gods, _Hiyori thinks, and – her eyes widen. Kazuma watches her reactions attentively and sees, for the briefest of instants, relief flash across her face – then anger and finally, tinting her cheeks pink, shame.

_She is concerned, _Kazuma thinks. _She does not want to be, but she is concerned and relieved that they are okay._

"That's – that's good, I guess."

"Indeed. You have nothing to worry about, Hiyori-san."

"I'm not – _worried._" Indignation laces Hiyori's tone. "I was just – I wanted to know. And also, I wanted to – ah – apologize, for my reaction a few days ago." Hiyori swallows. That's the most he'll get out of her; her rage is still just beneath the surface and she doesn't trust herself not to yell at him if she keeps going.

"That's alright, Hiyori-san. I understand that you're dealing with some…very strong emotions, so I do not mind being the release for your anger. Although, if I may say – I don't exactly enjoy going around behind Kofuku-sama and Daikoku-san's backs. It has been a week already and I have said nothing, but I do not like lying to them."

Hiyori's fist clenches.

"Kofuku and Daikoku, huh?" She's said their names before, but Kazuma does not miss how she drops the honorifics. Hiyori's voice is bitter as she goes on. "To be honest, I – I'm very angry with them as well." She keeps her tone formal and struggles to contain the tremble in her voice. "I don't mean to put you in a difficult situation, honestly, but if I were to see them right now – and they _would_ come see me, or I'd go there, if they knew the truth – I would not trust myself to be able to deal with it. So for just a while longer, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything. Until I'm ready, and then I promise they can know everything."

Kazuma gazes at her levelly and, finally, nods, taking the last sips of his tea.

"I see," he says, but offers no more. He gets up, places his empty mug on a corner of her desk. "If you'll excuse me, I must continue my work for Vaisravana-sama. Thank you for the tea, Hiyori-san."

"Kazuma, wait." Hiyori doesn't understand _why _she spoke – she slaps herself mentally because he was almost out the door and _what _is she doing? "This wasn't much conversation." Hiyori's laughter is strained. "But – um – if you'd be willing – we could maybe do this again? With proper tea, I promise."

Kazuma pushes up his glasses, remembering their old custom before Yato cut her memories. He recalls their conversations and her animated questions, and understands her better than she thinks he does. Her eyes are on the floor, unable to meet his.

"I would like that," he says softly. "But – one thing, Hiyori-san."

She looks up.

"Don't make promises you cannot keep."

Hiyori frowns and Kazuma walks out. Her tea sits cold, forgotten – and she knows exactly which promise he is referring to.

. . . x X x . . .

"_You should cut her ties to you," Tenjin said soberly, and Yato felt as if someone had punched him in the gut._

"_What?" The word barely escaped his lips, slipped past clenched teeth and mounting fury._

"_You should cut her ties to you," the elder God repeated._

_This hadn't been the answer Yato was looking for. After Hiyori had asked him if he'd given her condition any thought, he'd finally sat down and, well – given it thought. He'd come up blank. Nothing he had come across in all his years of existence even resembled this. Hiyori's condition was completely unique, as far as he knew. But then, he didn't exactly know all that much. Infinitely more than any human could learn in their lifetime, sure, but for a God's standards – on the low side, actually. _

_So, he'd gone to the one God he was sure would have at least an idea, or at least a starting point: Tenjin. He'd taken Yukine with him, and Hiyori too, of course, but neither of them knew the true purpose of the visit. They'd arrived and Yato had pulled Tenjin aside quickly, allowing Mayu to lead Yukine and Hiyori away so the two Gods could speak privately. _

_Yato hadn't wasted any time – he'd just flat out asked Tenjin. (Truthfully, he was half expecting some vague remark with a deeper meaning, but even that would be better than nothing. And – _okay – _it would make him feel slightly less guilty for having put off looking into it for so long.)_

_And there he stood, still before Tenjin, feeling as if the breath was knocked out of him._

"_Yato-san."_

_Yato shook his head furiously, desperately._

"_No." His tone was forceful, final. "No fucking way." Yato didn't even care to watch his language._

"_Well," Tenjin continued, "these happenings – losing her body, that is, transforming into a Phantom – started after she met you. After the accident. To be honest, I've never seen something like this before, so I don't know. But logically, the most successful solution would be to sever your bonds."_

"_But that would mean – she'd lose her memories. She wouldn't remember Yukine or Kofuku or Daikoku or –"_

Or me. She would forget about me.

"_Precisely."_

_Tenjin stared at him and Yato growled, thrust his hands deep in his pockets. He understood what Tenjin was suggesting – and a part of him knew that the elder God was probably right and that it did seem to be a simple and logical solution – but he refused to consider it._

"_I can't. I can't do that," Yato admitted. _I can't lose my only believer, not Hiyori. "_There has to be another way."_

_Tenjin sighed. "Yato-san. Your affections for this girl are plain –"_

_The God sputtered, a mix of indignation and alarm in his voice._

"– but," _Tenjin interrupted him, "it is the only practical and conceivable solution I can see." _

_Yato restrained himself from mumbling any number of unpleasant words about his "practical and conceivable solutions". _

_Tenjin stepped past Yato, gesturing for him to follow, and moved closer to where Hiyori and Yukine were standing, listening to Mayu. The two Gods stopped a good five metres away from the others. Mayu was telling them a story about some of her jobs with Yato back when she had served him – Yukine was complaining and sharing some of his own. Hiyori, standing a bit further back, was listening happily. _

_From the corner of her eye, she caught Yato and Tenjin looking. She smiled brightly at Yato and tuned back to Yukine – and though Yato couldn't hear what his Shinki said, her peals of laughter did reach his ears and his stomach flipped._

_He dug his heels in resolutely. "I'm not doing it," he said. "I'm not going to sever her bonds." _

"_Yato-san – you would be wise not to let your own selfish desires stand in the way of Hiyori-san's safety."_

"_I – I would never –"_

"_Just think about it," Tenjin said._

_The elder God walked away with a shake of his head and Yato was left standing alone, unwilling to push aside his feelings. So what if it made him selfish? The moment her ties were severed, she'd forget him completely. There would be nothing left of their friendship; every moment they'd shared would be destroyed._

_Yet somehow, all that paled in comparison to the way he would forget her – because that _would _happen, in time, if her bonds were cut. He was a God. He could, potentially, live forever. One day, years in the future, he could wake up in the morning and forget her smile, forget her hair and her voice and her scent and her beautiful, beautiful eyes_

_Tightness welled in his chest at the thought, squeezing his lungs painfully. Try as he might to convince himself otherwise, Yato knew that time killed everything – even his memories would fade, and he'd be left with nothing._

. . . x X x . . .

Kazuma arrives at Kofuku's shop to find the Goddess seated at her table, watching Yato and Yukine eat their dinner. Yato brings the rice to his mouth slowly, while Yukine practically inhales everything on his plate. Kofuku seems infinitely more at ease than the first time he was there, as does Yato – Kazuma notes his relaxed shoulders and Kofuku's wide smile and hates to think that he will ruin it all.

"Kazuma-san?" Kofuku notices him after a moment. "Kazuma-san, come in! Have a seat, have some – oops – _Daikoku-kun, I need some napkins, I spilled my tea! –_"

"No thank you," Kazuma holds up a hand. "That won't be necessary, I won't be staying long. I just stopped by because –" Kazuma stops. Kofuku's brows furrow and to his discredit, Kazuma hesitates, nearly pulling up an excuse about checking on Yato's condition. _Remember why you're here, _he reminds himself. The information he got from Hiyori gnaws at the back of his mind. Kazuma grimaces. He really, really doesn't want to do this – doesn't want to ruin the fragile and so-recently-found peace Kofuku and Yato have. But he also really, really doesn't want to lie to her any longer, and going around with the knowledge of Yato's true actions is proving to be stressful for both his mind and his body. (He's had worse, that's for sure – but ever since Bishamon had found out the truth about Yato and her Shinki years ago, he'd sworn not to keep secrets from anyone anymore.

So far he'd succeeded. This wasn't about to be his turning point.)

"Kofuku-sama," he tries again, "I must apologize. I do not bring good news."

Instantly, the Goddess' face turns serious.

"What is it?" she asks.

Kazuma clears his throat. "The last time I was here, I must admit I lied to you." He pauses, chooses his words. "About Hiyori-san," he clarifies.

"Oh."

Silence falls over the room. Daikoku peers in from the kitchen, eyes narrowed in a glare – even Yukine stops eating. From the corner of his eye, Kazuma sees Yato swallow his rice and slowly, deliberately, put down his chopsticks.

"I – I don't quite know how to say this – and before I begin, again, I have to apologize for not telling you the truth sooner. You see, I was _asked_ to keep this from you. It wasn't easy, and I see now that I should have come forth right away, but – well, to make a long story short, Hiyori-san was not okay when I saw her."

Yato tenses at the table but Kazuma pushes on anyway.

"She…she recognized me. She saw me and she recognized me, and asked me to keep those facts from you."

Alarm flashes across Kofuku's face, followed quickly by intense disbelief.

"That's impossible," Daikoku's voice rings our as he steps fully into the room. "Hiyori can't see you any more than she can see me or Kofuku. Yato – he severed their bonds. You know this, Kazuma-san."

"Yes. But she _did _see me. We spoke – rather, she yelled at me."

"That's ridiculous."

"Daikoku-san, I wouldn't make something like this up!"

"But," Kofuku speaks for the first time, "if she saw you that means – that means that – he _wouldn't. _After the mess he made when he severed her bonds, he wouldn't go back to make her remember. That's so…._against _everything you wanted." Kofuku turns to Yato, eyes pleading. "You wouldn't do that." Voice breaking, she adds, "Would you?"

Kazuma doesn't need to be looking to know Yato nods.

"Yukine and I…went to see her at a shrine. We were trying to make her remember."

"You're lying," Daikoku says, voice low. "You're _lying,_ because so _help _me Yato, of all the stupid, _selfish _things you've done, this one takes the _fucking cake!"_

Daikoku looks like he's ready to flip the table over Yato's head, but the God is calm, composed. His face does not betray even a hint of turmoil.

"You promised, you piece of shit, you promised that you wouldn't seek her out! It was for her own safety and you made _us _swear to stop you if you ever went looking for her! And now you do _this? What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

Kofuku lays a hand on Daikoku's shoulder, standing between him and Yato as a barrier.

"Yato-chan," she speaks softly, not turning around. "Go upstairs, please. We'll be up soon, too. Kazuma-san, thank you for letting us know about Hiyori-chan. Please go now."

"But –"

"_Please_. We will call later, and you can tell us everything in greater detail. For now, I will handle this."

Holding back Daikoku as both Yato and Yukine scramble upstairs, Kofuku is frightening. Her eyes swim with hurt and confusion and just the slightest bit of anger – but mostly, determination and an instinctive forgiveness. Kazuma bows and backs away, too far to hear the words she whispers to Daikoku.

Kazuma thinks that she looks exactly like a centuries-old Goddess should. He doesn't allow himself to think of the consequences Yato is sure to face, but – it's strange. He would have thought that telling Kofuku and Daikoku would take the load off his shoulders.

Instead, as he walks home, Kazuma feels heavier than ever.

* * *

05/08/2014 - Oh my God, I am so sorry. I am so incredibly sorry for the long wait and the lateness. This past week - from the 28th to the 1st - has been incredibly busy, and both the weekend before and the weekend after, I wasn't at home at all. Not that I'm trying to make excuses - because a two-week absence can't really be excused - but running after children all day, trying to teach them how to shoot archery and fence with metal weapons is _exhausting. _I had so little time to write, and to top it off I caught a cold, too. Anyway, I promise it won't happen again, and updates will come regularly from now on. The next update will be on Sunday, because I'm at a Panic! at the Disco concert tomorrow and I'll be downtown all day. Thank you _so much _for your patience and all the lovely reviews - it means a lot and keeps me writing. As usual, comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thanks for reading, I'll see you next time!

Published also on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


	6. interlude - run yourself awake

**interlude – run yourself awake**

Hiyori stares at her sleeping form with something akin to wonder in her eyes.

It had happened suddenly. She had stayed up late studying – much later than she would normally – and was beyond exhausted. Sleep tugged at her eyelids mercilessly, and when she realized that she was no longer productive, she'd gotten up, switched off the light, and collapsed into bed. Collapsed really _is_ the appropriate word to use here, because collapse she had, when the hem of her pants caught on the wheels of her desk chair. She'd tripped, fallen forward, and landed – miraculously unharmed save for a bruise on her shin she knew would kill her tomorrow – on her mattress.

Well, sort of.

Her body landed. Hiyori's spirit, still desperately clutching at the chair, remained standing upright. And that is where she is now. Standing, and staring, and – despite the alternating waves of fear and anger buzzing in her ears – she is _wondering _at how heart-breakingly comforting the sight is.

Behind her, a tail swishes from side to side. Hiyori becomes aware of it unexpectedly, the strange but not unfamiliar sensation of an extra appendage momentarily overwhelming her. Hesitantly, she reaches out to touch it, and the soft material nearly phases right through her hand – _nearly, _because it doesn't; the tail is _there_, it has _substance, _and it feels warm to the touch, soft like cotton. Hiyori traces the shape of the tail, further up until it meets her back at the base of her spine, and closes her eyes.

A smile stretches across her lips. Her exhaustion forgotten, Hiyori is overcome with an inexplicable giddiness. She is _excited. _It has been years since she'd last held this form – since she'd last transformed – and all the memories of much she _loved _it rush back to her. Hiyori spares one more fleeting glance at her body and, grinning, runs out of her room. There is a skip in her steps as she dashes through the halls of her dorm, and then – she is outside, racing through the empty streets.

Freedom tastes like the wind whipping her hair back and looks like the 2 a.m. city lights. It feels like everything she's lost and never knew how much she missed until this moment.

. . . x X x . . .

Hiyori's thoughts are spinning madly in her head, whirling vortex of – _holy shit I have a tail I have a spirit form or wait is it a phantom form I don't know I transformed this is so insanely cool and terrifying and _holy fucking shit I have a tail – when she looks at the buildings around her and decides she is too close to the ground.

_Higher, _she thinks.

Higher, she goes.

She runs to the nearest streetlight and, not thinking, vaults herself up. She is at the top in less than three seconds. (A part of her mind – the only part not consumed by adrenaline and elation – marvels at her balance atop the precarious metal structure.) From there, she crouches low, muscles tensing. With the elegant grace of a panther, Hiyori leaps off. For a brief moment, fear turns in her stomach and she thinks she may have underestimated the distance, overestimated her strength, but she lands, safely, on the balcony railing of an apartment building. She is literally balancing on the edge of possible death and a giggle escapes her lips.

(_"That tail of yours; it isn't a tail. It's a cord. If it gets cut…you'll die.")_

_**Higher, **_she thinks.

Still higher, she goes.

The building is something like fifteen storeys tall but Hiyori feels feather-light, _weightless, _and she makes it to the roof no problem. She does not stop to admire the view. It is not enough; her energy is not spent.

Hiyori runs.

. . . x X x . . .

She does not remember the last time she's sprinted for twenty minutes straight. She does not remember the number of roofs she's leaped across or when she left the university campus far behind or when the biting mid-November wind had picked up and water started leaking out of the corners of her eyes.

She'd forgotten just how fast she is.

Hiyori does not know where she is going but this form is agile and dexterous (and, as she recalls, has immeasurably more stamina than her real body), and without realizing it, she finds herself scaling the side of the Bunkyo Civic Centre. The observation deck isn't far out of her reach; Hiyori pushes a little further, strains a little harder and with a final pull, she lands smoothly in a crouch.

Her chest heaves. Each breath the takes is ragged and tears at her throat, yet somehow Hiyori is laughing. She is cold, her muscles ache – she doesn't even know if she _has _muscles in this form, or a heart or lungs – and she is laughing harder than she has in years. And the view – the view is b_reathtaking._

Hiyori takes a few steps forward to the edge of the building, spreads her arms wide, and takes in deep, shaking breaths.

She feels the city around her as if it is beating in her chest; her blood pulses through her veins, pulses in time to the rhythm of _Tokyo, _hopeful and free and _alive, _and Hiyori, mind still reeling, still not quite thinking, drinks it in. She lets the feelings rush through her, fill her up, and spill over like the laughter from her lips.

For the first time in the nineteen days it has been since Yato restored her memories, Hiyori is not angry. She is not clenching her fists or grinding her teeth in rage. She stretches her fingers wide, grasping at the twinkling lights and feels, for all the world, like she can take the city in her hands, wrap her arms around every living being that makes up Tokyo – all the people and the cats and hell, even the Gods and the Shinki and Mount Fuji she knows rests unseen in the distance – _everything_ that is this city – and hold it close.

It is two in the morning and her bones ache from the cold and there is a tail attached to her spine, and Hiyori knows that half the world is asleep but she –

– she has never been so awake.

* * *

08/08/2014 - Haha, I surprised you guys didn't I? This isn't a proper update - I still have to finish up the coming part - but rather a chapter-between-chapters, short and sweet, to offer a break from the main story. I liked focusing on Hiyori for this one, so I'm thinking you're going to have to expect more of these in the future, likely also focused on Hiyori. (Perhaps I'll do some other characters too? I'm thinking something for Daikoku and Kofuku would be nice at some point.) In any case, thanks for the reviews - keep 'em coming, it really motivates me to write. And let me know if you want to see more of a certain character - I'm trying to balance everyone's "screen time", so to speak, but I wouldn't mind giving someone a little extra. (So long as it fits into the story, of course.) As usual, comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you on Sunday!

Published also on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


	7. five - close

**five – close**

_The shopkeeper promised them he'd be there at seven thirty on the dot, but Yato should have known that wasn't going to happen. It was the same man they'd worked for almost two years ago, when Kofuku and Daikoku had sent them across town to deal with the moth-butterfly-bug-thing and Yukine had stolen the hurricane relief money. (The small plastic box sat quietly on the counter. Yato pretended he didn't see Yukine occasionally stare at it guiltily as the night passed.)_

_It was now eight fifteen and both the God and Shinki had gone over twenty-four hours without any sleep. They'd been watching the shop since the previous evening at seven, and it was one of the most boring, uneventful, _sleepless _nights of Yukine's existence. He was getting irritated, testy, and _if Yato eyes that rack one more time I swear I am going to punch him.

_"You know it's obvious, right?"_

_Yato practically flinched and Yukine, standing behind the checkout, smirked._

_"What's obvious?" Yato asked meekly._

_"That you like Hiyori-chan. Duh."_

_"Of course I do. She's a friend. Not to mention my only believer."_

_"Oh dear Gods, you're thick. I mean it's obvious that you're _into _her, you idiot."_

_Yato physically restrained himself from blushing. _

_"I am not 'into her', as you so _delicately _put it. She's very nice but she's just a good friend, that's all."_

_"Oh cut the crap. You like her. Like, _like-_like her. Like, you have _feelings_ for her."_

_"I do _not. _I have no idea what you're talking about."_

_"Oh?" Yukine's grin was predatory. "Is that why you freeze every time she touches you and go out of your way to see her and – of course, your face is _beet red _every time she smiles at you?"_

_"I – I don't –" Yato sputtered, trying to defend himself and failing miserably, all to Yukine's growing amusement. "You mean – that's just – _fuck." _Yato buried his face in his hands, making a noise of frustration halfway between a growl and whine. "Fine," his voice was muffled. "Fine. I like her. So fucking what?"_

_"Oi, no need to get defensive. I was just pointing out that you are stupidly, ridiculously into her. And that you're also stupidly, ridiculously obvious about it. Why don't you just tell her?"_

_"Ugh, Yukine. It's…complicated."_

_"Sure it is."_

_"Yeah," Yato looked up. "It really fucking _is_. I'm a God, she's human. That alone makes things like five hundred times more difficult to manage – mind you, Gods don't actually need to use condoms so I suppose that's one plus, but –"_

_"_Ew, _shut – shut the hell up. That's disgusting, I don't want to know about what Gods need to _use. _Ugh." Yukine shuddered, putting the sudden images from his mind before he accidentally blighted Yato, although he supposed that would technically be the God's own fault. _

_"She's a friend, too. It would make things so much more awkward, and – and what if she says no? What if she doesn't feel the same way about me? I can't just outright tell her. Too many things could go wrong."_

_"Okay you're either really blind or really dense. I can't tell which."_

_"What?"_

_"Hiyori-chan knows, you imbecile! Or, she suspects."_

_Yato's eyes widened. _

_"You think she hasn't noticed? You're so fucking obvious with it, how could she not? Alright, so maybe she doesn't flat-out _know_, like for sure, but I'm certain she has at the very least has an _inkling _of how you feel. She certainly isn't stupid, you know."_

_"I – uh – _no. _No, that's not possible. I only even realized it myself like her two weeks ago, there's no way..."_

_"Oh, spare me. You've liked her since the moment you met her. You only admitted it to yourself two weeks ago."_

_Yukine sighed, long and hard. _It's like talking to an eight-year-old, _he thought, even though he was almost sure Yato wasn't actually this stupid. (Or so he hoped, else having him for a master would be disastrous at best.)_

_"I can't believe _I'm _the one giving _you _love advice. Just – listen, okay?" At Yato's silence, Yukine continued. "You don't have to tell her, although that _would_ be best. But you should make like, a nice gesture or something. Get her something, a gift or some flowers or chocolate or whatever the hell it is girls like. Something thoughtful. That way you'll be sending the right message and maybe putting her on the right track –"_

_"What the fuck do you know about love or romance?" The God scowled. "You're like, twelve."_

_"_Fourteen_, you massive douche. And I'm pretty sure I have more experience than you."_

_"Yeah, right. For starters, I'm centuries old. And besides – you've got about as much experience as a frog."_

_"Wasn't there a Western fairy tale about a frog that goes around trying to get this princess to kiss him and then she does and he turns into this like, handsome prince? And then he _marries_ the princess and –"_

_"Shut up. Enough of this. I'll do what I want."_

_Yukine rolled his eyes. "Of course you will." He yawned, stretched his arms high above his shoulders. "Suit yourself," he said at last. "But you'll regret waiting. She'll find a nice human boy who'll actually show her_ _that he likes her, and he'll steal her heart and then her _pretty little smile _will be reserved for him and you'll fade away, never to be seen or thought of again." _

_"Shut _up," _Yato snarled. Yukine grinned, satisfied. _Get on his nerves today – check.

_Yato grumbled something under his breath and turned back to the scarf rack. Yukine thought he caught a few words – "pretty – great – not my fault – she's so –". He shook his head and got to counting up the money in the cash box._

_At a quarter to nine, the shopkeeper showed up. He apologized for being late, but Yukine assured him it was no trouble. The man looked genuinely upset and explained that his car had broken down on the way. Yato offered to take a look at the engine and the man just…stared._

_"Forgive me," he said after some time. "You are too kind, young man. So diligent and hardworking – both of you. I can't just give you five yen. It's not enough."_

_Yukine was ready to protest, knowing that Yato would not accept anything more, when the God spoke up._

_"Well, actually." He walked over to the rack displaying a collection of nice scarves in varying colours, the same one he couldn't keep his eyes off of the entire night. "There's a girl I like," he said, purposefully avoiding looking at his Shinki, "who recently lost her scarf. If I could, perhaps, have one of these –that would be much appreciated."_

_Yukine rolled his eyes, but to his surprise the shopkeeper offered to let Yato take a hat and a pair of gloves too._

_"Thank you," Yato replied gratefully, "but one is enough. It's just for her." He turned to the rack, let his eyes wander over the different colours, and finally selected a pale lilac scarf which he tucked away into his jersey. It was a lighter shade than Hiyori's old one, more purple than pink, but then Yukine suspected that Yato did this on purpose. He wanted it to be unique. _

_After handing in their uniforms and receiving even more thanks from the owner, Yato and Yukine left the shop._

_"Are you gonna give it to her tonight? We have a study session at Kofuku-sama's – oh, ew. I'd forgotten, I have _work _later. Ugh."_

_"Yukine. Be quiet."_

_The Shinki fell silent at the concentration in his master's tone. Yato took the boy's shoulder, and, not bothering to explain where they were going, flash-stepped away. They appeared in front of Hiyori's house with a burst of blue, and Yukine thought, _I should have known. Of course we'd come here. Where else could he even want to go?

_(He wouldn't admit it aloud, but he was happy that Yato was taking his advice, albeit very quickly.)_

_Yato strode to the door confidently, rang the bell, and waited while Hiyori came to let them in. She was dressed to go out, in jeans and boots and her usual button-up coat. A bag filled with books rested at her side._

_"Hello." Yato beamed at her._

_"Um. Hello?" She glanced from Yato to Yukine and back again. Yukine nodded in greeting but said nothing, hoping his look conveyed his levels of exasperation and unimpressed-ness. "What are you guys doing here?"_

_"Surprise visit," Yato said. "We – actually, _I – _have a favour to ask."_

_"Sure."_

_"We were working overnight close by, at a shop. D'you think we could maybe crash here for a few hours? Yukine's really tired."_

_A total lie. Yato could go days, even a week without sleep, and still be more or less okay. Yukine _was _feeling the exhaustion, but it was nowhere near affecting him. Hiyori, not quite buying it, looked to Yukine for confirmation. He stared back, face blank – and felt a sudden sharp _jab _in his ribs._

_Yato elbowed him. Hard._

_Yukine hissed in pain and, through clenched teeth, muttered, "Oh. Yeah. Exhausted. So much work. So many people. Need to sleep. Please."_

I hope she hates the scarf and goes out with a human boy, you prick. _Yukine's thoughts were venomous but lacked malice – he didn't blight Yato, just made sure that the God felt the sting at the nape of his neck a little bit._

_"Oh – okay then? You guys can sleep upstairs, I guess. I was just going out, I have to meet up with Yama-chan to study, she's helping me out with math and science." Hiyori moved aside and the boys entered, taking off their shoes. She led them to the second floor silently, still confused, but always kind and generous, never questioning. _

_"Yukine, you can take my brother's room – you're used to it, right? And Yato – uh…not my parents' room, they'd notice. I guess you'll have to use my bed."_

_(Never mind the fact that there were at least three spare bedrooms in the house. Yukine nearly snorted. He had decided Yato was blind _and _dense, if he didn't see how hard Hiyori herself was trying.)_

_"Thanks so much, Hiyori," Yato said._

_"No problem." Hiyori's smile softened. "Anytime guys, just – don't turn me into a hotel and hospital service, alright?" There wasn't any strength behind her words. Yukine knew that she'd be both a hotel and a hospital for them – for anyone, really. It was in her nature. He guessed, in that sense, he could see why Yato clearly liked her so much. Physical attractiveness notwithstanding, she was caring and always willing to help someone in need._

_"Okay, if that's all, I'll be off. I don't want to keep Yama-chan waiting."_

_"Wait," Yato interrupted. "There is – ah, there is _one_ thing." Yukine leaned against the doorway to Hiyori's brother's room and listened attentively, interest peaked. "I kind of…got you something." He pulled the scarf out, handed it to Hiyori._

_"You said you'd lost your old one," he continued. "And it's cold out. Or, uh. It's the end of September, so. Not as warm as it used to be. I thought I'd get you a new one. To, you know. Keep you warm. From the cold. Because it's colder out. Yeah," Yato finished lamely, staring at the ground._

_Yukine brought a hand up to his mouth to stifle a laugh._

_Hiyori was silent for a long moment, then smiled brilliantly at Yato, cheeks tinted pink._

_"Thank you," she said. She reached a hand out, squeezed Yato's arm. The God looked up. Considering the expression on his face, Yukine swore he was about to melt at the touch. "Thank you, Yato. It's exactly what I needed."_

This is hilarious, _Yukine thought gleefully. _I should record it and put it online.

_"Y-you're welcome," Yato stuttered – _stuttered, he _actually stuttered, _this is getting better and better – _fighting off a blush. The Great God of Calamity, Destroyer of Peace and Happiness, Harbinger of Death and Annihilation, Killer of Thousands, blushing and stuttering and being an idiot at the hands of a human girl. _How the mighty have fallen, _Yukine joked, and knew that Yato could feel his amusement. _

_Yato and Hiyori seemed to freeze, trapped in a little bubble of soft scarves-smiles-shoulders, when Hiyori slowly pulled her hand away._

_"I'd better go," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You two make yourselves at home. Dad's at the hospital and mom's at her swim club, I think, but if you're quiet you should be fine, even if they come back. See you later!"_

_Another flashed smile, a warm look, and Hiyori was gone._

_Yato sagged against the doorway. For an instant, he looked like a love-stuck teenager straight out of a Korean drama. Then, he rounded on Yukine, his glare freezing the Shinki in place._

_"Not a word," Yato growled, and Yukine simpered. "Not a _fucking _word."_

_"I didn't say anything."_

_"I was just…following your advice."_

_"Good on you?"_

_"Not a _word,_" Yato roared, face red, _"_or I swear I will end you!" He turned into Hiyori's room. He slammed the door shut with a bang but he could still hear Yukine's laughter echo dimly through the walls. Yato threw himself onto her bed, burrowing into the pillow. He breathed in deep. It smelled just like her. Yato drifted to sleep thinking of sunshine and warmth and being wrapped in Hiyori's arms._

Fools, _Yukine thought from down the hall. _The both of them.

. . . x X x . . .

Hiyori's happiness does not last.

She returns to her dorm at three in the morning, bone-tired and looking forward to a measly three hours of sleep before she has to be up and getting ready for her seven-thirty molecular biology class. She slips back into her body seamlessly and allows the exhaustion to take over.

She does not regret her outing. She does not regret running and leaping off rooftops and feeling free, no matter how much her real body protests in pain. (She remembers, now, how the aches she felt while a spirit would transfer to her flesh when she was younger.) She does not regret it even for a moment because she felt alive in a way she hadn't been able to for the past (almost) five years.

But she wishes she would have thought it though a little more.

It takes her three days to recover, by the end of which the anger she had so easily forgotten has reared its ugly head once again. It sits below the surface of her skin, simmering and boiling in her blood and distracting her attention from her work far too much for her to be able to ignore it. She doesn't lose her body accidentally anymore – she suspects the rage might have something to do with the better control she has over her spirit-phantom-inhuman form – but when she can take it no longer, she knows that she can't be human when she goes to see them.

She leaves her body sleeping in her room and takes the train, unnoticed, unseen, as close to Kofuku's shrine as she can. It is night-time when she arrives, halfway across the city. (Hiyori notices that she seems to be making a habit of late excursions and wonders when she stopped being a daylight person, when the stars and the moon and the darkness began suiting her better.

She knows it happened when Yato left.)

The shop is bright and well-lit, and of course Daikoku and Kofuku are still up. She approaches steadily, one foot in front of the other, when suddenly, she falters. Hiyori feels sick to her stomach. Her resolution – to find them, to confront them – shatters, and she is terrified of what will happen if she sees their faces. She stands still for what must only be minutes but feels like hours, and then continues forward, steps slower and more hesitant, but persistent nonetheless. She's come this far. Hiyori will not let herself stop now.

She comes into view of the light and is assaulted by the smell of soup and sweets and _home. _Memories resurface ruthlessly. She thought she'd grown accustomed to remembering things suddenly, to recalling events and feelings and people from the past, but she is in no way prepared for the onslaught of emotion which surfaces then. Hiyori swallows past the lump in her throat and refuses – physically resists – crying.

The anger helps.

All it takes is seeing Kofuku's face, her pink, pink hair, and the hurt is gone, replaced by a steely wrath.

"Hello Kofuku, Daikoku."

The Goddess looks up, followed by her Shinki. Their expressions are ones of alarm and apprehension. There is no surprise, however, and Hiyori knows that Kazuma broke his promise and told them the truth. There is a long, long moment of tense silence which Daikoku finally breaks, offering Hiyori something to eat.

"Save it," Hiyori spits, and Daikoku falls silent. Kofuku has not said anything, has not moved beyond staring wide-eyed at the girl at their door.

"Where is he?"

"Upstairs," Daikoku replies, voice tight, "sleeping. They both are."

Hiyori unclenches her fists, deliberately swallows, and fixes Kofuku with a glare so fiery the Goddess visibly recoils.

"How could you," she asks. "How could you just – say nothing? _All these years, _you've known. You knew even before he did it and you _didn't tell me anything._ This wasn't what I wanted! I made that clear and still _both of you _decided to _ignore _me and help him do this to me _against my will." _Hiyori's voice rises in pitch. Her fingers tremble and her control, already slipping, disintegrates. (Did she really think she would be able to remain composed in front of them? No, she knew going in that it would come to this. She came with the intention to scream, and scream she would.)

"_You lied to me! You kept this from me and you took turns fucking checking on me but you **never told me anything! **_You're no better than he is," Hiyori accuses. "Both of you – you're exactly like him. Liars."

Hiyori takes in ragged breaths.

(Kofuku hears the quiet sliding of a screen door behind her. Her blood runs cold.)

"Why?" Hiyori's voice breaks. "Just – _why?_ When you knew this wasn't want I wanted, _why _didn't you say anything?"

Daikoku moves forward, ready to defend Kofuku and tell Hiyori to _back off. _He may have been her friend, once upon a time – and he may still be absolutely _furious _with Yato – but the girl is_ pushing _him, and even he has a limit to his patience. He is menacing and Hiyori takes a step back when Kofuku holds up a hand. Daikoku stills.

Kofuku's eyes are focused on Hiyori and when she speaks, her tone is soft.

"It was not our place to say anything," she explains plainly.

Hiyori looks incredulous. She shakes her head lets out an infuriated laugh and, without another word, disappears into the night.

Kofuku sighs, presses a hand to her right temple.

"Yato. She woke you up, didn't she?"

"Yes." From the doorway, Yato's voice is small.

"You heard everything?"

"…Yes."

Yato gazes at where Hiyori stood moments before. In this situation, not even Daikoku can be upset with him. Kofuku is almost ready for tears, to comfort him as she has had to only once before. When she finally looks at him, his eyes are dry.

A small, sad smile ghosts across his lips.

. . . x X x . . .

_"You guys are done already?" Yato asked as he entered the attic. _

_"Ha, what do you mean _already?" _replied Yukine. "It's been two hours."_

_"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I'd been gone so long."_

_"It's fine," Hiyori said lightly. "The quiet was nice, actually, and Yukine-kun did well." Hiyori ruffled the boy's hair, and he smiled sheepishly._

_"Thanks, Hiyori-chan."_

_Hiyori stood up, gathered her books. "I'll be going home then," she said. "You know what to do, Yukine-kun. Keep up the good work, okay?"_

_Yato, unmoved from the doorway, frowned. _

_"It's almost dark out. I could flash-step you home, if you'd like?"_

_"That's alright, it's not too far. I don't mind the walk."_

_"Then I'll just – I'll walk you," he said, surprising himself with his own boldness._

_Hiyori's eyes widened. "Yeah – sure, thank you, Yato." She slipped her coat on, wrapped her new scarf around her neck and, with a smile, walked out. Yato turned to follow. He shot a glance at Yukine, his gaze equal parts hopeful and, somehow, seeking approval. The Shinki simply mouthed, "Go for it."_

_Yato bounded down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Hiyori was waiting for him, saying goodbye to Kofuku and Daikoku. _

_"You ready?" Yato asked as she slipped on her shoes._

_"Mm-hmm. Let's go."_

_Hiyori waved to Kofuku and the two of them exited into the crisp evening air, walking side by side. It wasn't dark out yet, but the sun had gone already. All that remained was the soft light of dusk and a few lines of colour still staining the sky. Hiyori shivered and pushed her hands deeper into her coat pockets._

_"So," she began, "where'd you go?"_

_"Nowhere in particular," Yato waved a hand. "Just out."_

_"Did you take a job?" _

_"Nah, I was just…advertising."_

_"You mean vandalizing public property," Hiyori corrected, her voice a deadpan. _

_"Call it what you will," Yato smirked. "I prefer to think of it as cheap, effective, mass messaging. You know, spreading my divine will and all that."_

_"Sure," Hiyori laughed. "If your divine will is your contact information."_

_"Oi. I'll take whatever I can get, alright?"_

_"You're – absolutely ridiculous. Had any more fights with Bishamon-sama?"_

_"No, thank the Heavens." Yato shuddered at the thought of the War Goddess atop her lion, whip swinging. "Not since the last one in August. I think she's busier than usual. She probably has like, Godly matter to attend to. I'm no longer on her list of priorities – not that I'm complaining, of course."_

_"Good. You were getting hurt way too often, and Yukine-kun barely had time to study."_

_"I take it that's coming along well?"_

_"For sure. He just started on trigonometry today, actually."_

_"Good, good." Then, after a pause, "Don't tell him I said this, but I'm glad he's studying with you. He has a lot to learn, and I don't have nearly enough time to teach him maths. Truthfully, I think it's doing him good."_

_Hiyori didn't reply but her gaze softened at the words. She knew Yato cared deeply about Yukine, and it warmed her heart to hear him say it aloud._

_"How 'bout you, then," Yato continued. "You been doing your work?"_

_Hiyori blushed in embarrassment, looked at the ground._

_"Well…yeah – most of it."_

_"Really?"_

_"Okay, _some _of it." _

_Yato spun on his heel and started walking backwards in front of her. He raised a brow and gave her a disapproving look._

_"I shouldn't have to tell you that not doing your work doesn't lend itself well to getting into the University of Tokyo. I'm surprised. You didn't used to slack off like this."_

_"Shut up." Hiyori adjusted the bag on her shoulder and frowned. "I know how to do it – my marks at school are still _good."

_"Yeah, but I'm willing to bet they're not where you want them to be."_

_"They're fine," she insisted. Yato's eyes narrowed and after a moment, Hiyori added, "Thanks for the concern, though."_

_"No concern, yeah? I know you're smart. You always manage. Just watch out, alright?"_

_"_You _should watch out before you walk into something and – bust your head open."_

_"Yeah, yeah."_

_Yato turned and resumed his place at her side. (He fought the urge to drape an arm around her shoulders and reminded himself that it would be beyond inappropriate.) Still, Yato moved closer beside her – their shoulders brushed with each step they took._

_"I never got to thank you," he said, nudging her slightly, "for letting us sleep at your place today."_

_"Ah, it's no problem. You guys didn't burn the house down so – it's all good. I _would _prefer some notice next time, though."_

_They continued onwards, pace steady but leisurely, as the last of the evening light disappeared and darkness fell. Yato rambled on about some of the jobs he'd taken when he was younger, hilarious stories from decades ago with a different Shinki – who'd managed, impressively, to last something like a year and a half with Yato – about clothes and music and hair and chasing _damned stupid cats, _and – _

_Hiyori didn't know when her hand had slipped out of her pocket, but she felt Yato's knuckles brush against her own, their fingers touching, almost – _almost – _interlocking._

_Yato fell silent, gone from her side in an instant. _

_He bounded ahead, cheeks pink and arms tucked behind his back, not daring to meet Hiyori's eyes. (Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, why did you do that you're putting her off –_) _They were on a bridge – on _the _bridge, the one they passed every time they walked back from Kofuku's, the bridge on which two years ago he had agreed to take on Hiyori's wish._

_The bridge on which Yato had irrevocably intertwined their fates together._

_Yato leaned against the railing, resting his hands against the cool metal, and stared at the city lights in the distance. They were about to enter the residential area. _It's not much further from here, just sit tight and control yourself. _Slowly, Hiyori made her way to stand beside him. She was careful to leave a foot of distance between them._

_"I asked about your condition," Yato said finally. "I didn't quite know where to start myself, so I went to Tenjin. I thought he'd know."_

_"And did he?" There was a trace of hope in Hiyori's voice, and Yato's heart squeezed painfully._

_"He didn't." The lie slipped out almost easily. He managed a glance at Hiyori. She was crestfallen and he felt the pain in his chest for an entirely different reason. He turned to face her fully, gaze urgent and intense. With one hand, Yato reached up, towards her cheek._

_"Hiyori, I –"_

I like you. I want to be with you.

_The words died on his tongue. His hand, just shy of her skin, fell limply to his side. _

_Against the railing, Yato clenched a fist, angry eyes cast downwards. (_Stupid. Stupid. Just shut up and take her home and –)

_Yato felt a gentle touch on his fist and Hiyori was suddenly standing very, very near to him. Yato became hyperaware of her presence, the distance between their bodies – too little, too little – and _when _had she stepped closer?_

_"Yato." Voice soft, low, and – far too close. His breathing hitched. "I'm not blind. I notice when you – you _do_ things, sometimes, and what you say and how you act around me. I just – please don't let me stupid." _

_Hiyori leaned in. Yato stood, wide-eyed, immobile, as she tilted her chin up. Her eyes were hooded, and she paused a hair's breadth away, close enough that he could feel her breath on his cheek when she whispered – "Please don't let me be wrong." – and brushed her lips against his. _

_It lasted barely two seconds – just a touch, really – but Yato exploded with happiness and excitement and a thousand different feelings he had no name for but could be summed up as the need to take her in his arms. Hiyori stepped back, but before she could hang her head – or, Heavens forbid, turn away – Yato moved in, cupping her face with both hands._

_"You're not wrong." He smiled at her, true and genuine and brimming with joy. She hadn't said anything yet, but he knew – he _knew – _that she felt the same way about him. Her arms circled his waist, book bag forgotten on the ground. "You're not wrong."_

_Yato brought his mouth to hers, kissed her softly and slowly and sweetly – again and again and again. _

_His heart beat wildly in his chest._

* * *

10/08/2014 - There it is - they're together. Bet you didn't think Hiyori would be the one to start it. I hope, for the present-tense bit, that you guys see the level of Hiyori's anger. It's not easy to forgive someone after such a long absence, and I don't think it's unreasonable for her to be mad for weeks. I know some of you were really looking forward to seeing her make up with Yato, so I hope I didn't disappoint too badly, but if it were to happen, that certainly would still be a long way coming. (Now all you have to wonder about is what exactly Yato did or said to make her this upset.) In any case, thank you for the lovely reviews, and of course the follows and favourites - I know I say this every time, but they all mean a lot to me and keep me writing. As usual, comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thanks for reading, I'll see you guys next time!

Published also on my AO3 account, ~sayanora_fallinlove


	8. six - see

**six – see**

Yato wakes up just before daybreak from a nightmare of pitch black and pleading voices. For a minute he is not sure where he is. He clutches at the sheets with trembling hands, drenched in sweat and struggling to control his erratic breathing. Still in the space between asleep and awake, he casts his eyes around the room wildly. He hears the echo of desperate cries and for one terrifying instant he is transported nearly five years into the past, making the most difficult choice of his life – then, the sounds fade to silence and there is only Yukine, snoring on the other mat.

The God shudders, pries his fingers off the sheets. He runs a hand through his hair and takes several deep, gulping breaths of air. He's at Kofuku's. That's right – _steady now, control yourself – _Kofuku's shop – his last morning there.

_Breathe, _he tells himself. _Breathe. Relax._

The predawn light shines softly through the only window. Yato gets up slowly, careful not to disturb the sleeping boy next to him, and moves closer, resting his hands on his chin. His thoughts twist unpleasantly in his mind, so he tries not to think at all. His eyes focus on the horizon line and he waits, patiently, while the world comes alive.

Yato prefers sunsets. There is something to be said about sunsets, something beautiful and just the slightest bit ironic, something that only someone who has lived and seen as much as he has can truly appreciate about the day dying. But sunrises – well, there is something to be said about them, too. The sun is a pale gold disk steadily rising above the trees. The world changes colour slowly from dark blue to light blue; and for just a few minutes in between, the sky lights up with all the bold colours of fire.

He loves the sunrise – but so rarely does he get to enjoy it.

Half an hour later, when he is satisfied that he is level-headed and no longer in danger of breaking down, Yato wakes Yukine, and the two head downstairs. They're not surprised to see Kofuku waiting for them. _This never happened before, _Yato thinks. _She used to sleep in until noon, if she wanted to. It's your fault she's doing this to herself._

A knife twists in his gut – she has prepared breakfast.

It's steamed rice with miso soup and tamagoyaki and horensou no goma-ae, and the smell wafting towards him makes his stomach rumble. There is enough food to feed five people; and Yato and Yukine pounce on it, ravenous. Despite – or perhaps because of – his week of refusing food, his appetite has returned fully.

Yato knows that it was her Shinki that made the food – Kofuku can't make ice on her best days – but Daikoku is nowhere in sight.

It had taken Kofuku two hours – _two hours _– to talk him into something like calmness on the night that Kazuma had revealed the truth. Daikoku had been ready to destroy Yato. Like Hiyori's, his was an anger that stemmed from hurt. It was all Kofuku could do to get him away from the house while she talked to the God. Yato had tried explaining, haltingly, messily, all stumbling phrases and shaky breaths; Kofuku had shushed him gently halfway through, telling him she understood. (She did, better than anyone else – perhaps better than Yato himself. She _understood._) When Daikoku had returned, demanding Yato be thrown out, Kofuku had quietly taken Yato's side. The screaming match that had ensued had kept Yato and Yukine awake, paralyzed with fear. It had ended in a murmured – "Come, Kokki." – and the clattering of porcelain to the ground. That's when Yato knew it was time to go.

He'd overstayed his welcome.

"This is really good, Kofuku-sama," Yukine says between mouthfuls.

Kofuku smiles, a bit sadly. "Eat up. You need your strength."

The boys devour everything on the table. By the time they're done, not a scrap of food remains. It takes a great effort for them to stand up, hesitation mixed with reluctance slowing them down.

"Are you…are you sure you must go?"

"Yes," Yukine speaks before his master can. "We have imposed for far too long." Yato nods his agreement – then, catching the Goddess' frown, he moves forward, wraps his hands around her wrists.

"Kofuku. Listen – look at me. _Listen." _Yato pauses. His voice is layered with endless, endless gratitude; for her patience, for her generosity. For her friendship. "I'm sorry," he says, and means it. "I'm – _so – _sorry." And then, "Thank you. _Thank you." _He acts before he can think and awkwardly throws his arms around her, pulling her in for a quick, short hug.

"Yato."

The God pulls away to see Daikoku standing in the doorway, a bag of groceries under one arm. He enters the room, sets the food down on the table. Before Yato can process what's going on, Daikoku grabs him by the shoulders, lifts him above the ground.

His fingers dig painfully deep.

"You listen to me, and you listen _good_. What's done is done and you can't undo it. You went and restored her memories and caused a whole shitstorm for all of us – that's _your _fucking problem. I am _pissed _at you and I am pissed at how _stupid _and _selfish _you are – and frankly I am restraining myself from breaking you _fucking neck – _but if there is one thing I won't do, it's let you fuck this up any more than you have already.

"You can't go see her, do you understand me? You are not _allowed – _I _do not allow_ you – to go see Hiyori. You stay the fuck away from her. If I hear that you went to see her, I will come find you – there isn't a place in this entire fucking _country _you can hide from me – and I will break every _single_ one of your bones. Got it?"

Yato nods, too terrified to do much else.

"_Promise me. _Give me your word – swear on your life – that you won't seek her out."

"I – I do!" Yato gasps. "I do, I promise."

"Good."

Daikoku drops Yato unceremoniously, turns on his heel and disappears into the kitchen.

The God takes a moment to collect himself but makes no fuss. He picks himself off the ground, fixes his jersey and, ignoring the pain in his arms, puts on his shoes. Yukine follows, silent throughout the entire ordeal.

"Yato." The Goddess stops him at the door. "You're certain," she says, somewhere halfway between a question and a statement, voice torturously concerned. (His disappearances, she is used to. They are one thing. _This, _however, this clear hurt, this pain he tries to mask – and would succeed in doing so, too, were it not for the fact that she's known him longer than most human nations have existed – is another thing entirely. She does not know to deal with this. She's only seen it twice.

It still scares her.)

"Yes."

No hesitation now. The time for that is over.

"Then – here."

And Kofuku – Kofuku who is kind; Kofuku who is patient; Kofuku who, for all her blunders, has never let him down and never will – takes out three ten-thousand yen bills and presses them into his palm.

"Don't waste it," she tells him. "And come back once in a while. I'd like to know you're not dead."

Yato, unable to speak past the lump in his throat, nods. He squeezes her hand on his way past, and then he and Yukine are out walking in the brisk November morning air. The shop grows smaller behind them, and fades out of view entirely.

(Dimly, Yato wonders what he did to deserve such perfect loyalty.)

. . . x X x . . .

_They'd told Yukine first._

_Despite Yato's assurances that the boy was completely okay with it, Hiyori was still worried that he'd object. She had insisted she be the one to say it. She'd gotten about as far as mentioning her and Yato's names before her face had turned red and Yukine rolled his eyes, telling her he already knew. _

_Kofuku and Daikoku had been next, of course, and then Kazuma. They'd all taken the news well, although the glare Daikoku had fixed him with – and the unspoken warning about hurting her, big brother instinct kicking in – was clear in meaning. Kofuku, for one, had been ecstatic, dragging Hiyori to the attic for "girl time" and demanding to know every detail. Kazuma had been the most detached, very polite, but he too was happy for them. He wouldn't say it aloud – he was far too respectful – but he thought they were perfect for one another. Everyone had seen it coming from a mile away._

_Fourteen days – not that Hiyori was counting,_ _or anything – had passed since then, and they had simultaneously the most awkward and amazing of Hiyori's life so far. _

_Nothing was all that different, honestly. It was much the same as before, but Yato was an _affectionate_ boyfriend. He didn't do anything that she was uncomfortable with, the epitome of respectful; but now there was no hesitation when he went to take her hand, or draped an arm around her shoulders. For her part, Hiyori was still new to everything and undeniably a bit nervous, not in small part because she didn't quite know what she was doing yet. That was only a _small _part of her, though. The much bigger, much more dominant part of her was excited and eager to learn and willing – boy_, _was she _willing_. Plus, Yato was a good teacher and Hiyori loved_ _the attention he gave her, loved the glances and soft touches and being _so close _to him, all the time. He had lifetimes of experience; he'd already shown her a few things that had left her breathless. _

_Despite her enduring awkwardness around others, Hiyori was happy with Yato, and he with her. Everything was good, easy. There was just a – rightness to the world, one which had previously not existed. Yato was convinced that that was exactly how things were supposed to be._

_(Of course, Hiyori was also staring out the window more at school. Call it cliché – and it was, she supposed – but she couldn't keep her mind off Yato. She was young, she justified it to herself. All young couples had their honeymoon phase. This was hers. It wasn't affecting her grades and anyway, she was allowed to be happy. )_

_(How bad could it be?)_

_Two weeks in found Hiyori on her way home from Tenjin's shrine. She'd gone to pray for success in her upcoming math test, a mock exam on everything covered in the math course thus far. Yato had gone with her, to make his own wish._

_Hers had gone something like this: _Please, Tenjin-sama, help me be successful on my test, please help me focus and not think about Yato at all and get distracted by his –

_Yato could just imagine Tenjin smirking somewhere when he received his wish: _Please let me not fuck this up. I know you're getting these you old geezer, so uh – fuck now I'm going to owe you or something – please don't let me fuck this thing up with Hiyori. You're the God of like, wisdom and knowledge and shit, right? Grant me wisdom, or whatever, so that I don't say or do something stupid and ruin this.

_Now on their way home, Hiyori and Yato walked hand in hand. _

"_So – math, huh? How interesting."_

"_Shush. I need all the help I can get."_

"_You wouldn't if you'd do your work."_

"_I _am _doing my work. You literally saw me do it."_

"_Only for like, the past few days. You know you need to raise your grades if you want to get in to Todai."_

"_Yeah, yeah, don't remind me." Yato laughed lightly, squeezed her fingers. "I swear you're like a – a mother hen, or something. Like _my _mother, actually. Always on my case about my schoolwork."_

"_Oi. Your mother is a lovely lady."_

"_You've never even met her properly. Like – face to face."_

"_I've come close enough. And in any case, pestering you about work now falls under my responsibility as your boyfriend."_

_Boyfriend – ugh, _boyfriend. _No matter how many times he said it, Hiyori didn't think she'd ever get used to the butterflies in her stomach hearing it._

"_So then," Hiyori smiled slyly as they rounded the corner onto her street, "do your responsibilities include using your magical abilities to bring me food?"_

_Yato's smile disappeared instantly. He brought an arm to his chest protectively, cradling what Hiyori thought must be his bottle of five-yen coins._

"_Calm down," she laughed before he could protest, "I have money. You just need to flash-step there and back."_

"_Ah." Yato visibly relaxed. "In that case, sure."_

"_Perfect!" Hiyori beamed. "It's the sushi restaurant by Kofuku-chan's – you know it, right?"_

"_Uh. I think so? That place we went to that one time with Kazuma when you were in…ninth grade?"_

"_That's it! I don't know what it is but I've been craving sushi, and they have the best I've ever tried."_

"_Wait. Won't your mother have made you dinner?"_

"_She and Dad are at the hospital late tonight. Ah, there – that's two thousand, it should be enough for the two of us. You know what I like."_

_Yato smiled. "Sure. You go home, I'll be back soon."_

_He pressed a kiss to her cheek, released her hand, and with a small wave, flash-stepped away. Yato landed on his feet across the street from the sushi restaurant, a small but well-kept establishment that he remembered much better as soon as he stepped through the door. He ordered to-go, and the food arrived quickly in a brown paper bag. It smelled absolutely delicious, but none of it was his. Two years ago he would have jumped at the chance, but now he wasn't about to use Hiyori's money to buy himself food, even if she let him. It just didn't sit well. He left the store, crossed the street to where he was sure not to be spotted even on the off-chance could see him, and checked the time on his phone. _Ten minutes, _he grinned. _Not bad at all. _With a burst of blue, he reappeared at the end of Hiyori's street. _

Now, then. In through the front door? Or the window, to freak her out a bit? She's cute when she's mad – window it is.

_Yato hadn't taken more than two steps when he heard the soft – _drip_ – of water, clear and unmistakable in the quiet evening air. His smile dropped, his fist clenching around the bag. He would never be able to _not _recognize the sound. The air around him chilled considerably._

_He turned, face blank, to regard the black-haired girl on the side of the street._

"_Stray," he said impassively._

_Her lips turned up at the corners._

. . . x X x . . .

Yato starts taking jobs immediately. He and Yukine spend the entire first morning on the street, advertising. By the time they're done, Shinjuku, Bunkyo, Shibuya and most of Ikebukuro are covered in his messy scrawl, harsh black letters cutting across billboards and buildings and bathroom stalls, making the city with his presence.

_I'm back, _the words seem to say. _I'm here, I'm ready. Take me._

The city does.

The two of them get a job the first evening, messing around in some guy's bathroom trying to fix the plumbing. It's hopelessly broken but Yato has magic fingers and when he's done with it everything's somehow working again. The next day, they're walking dogs and raking leaves and covering shifts at supermarkets, inconsequential jobs that make little difference in the grand scheme of life but have to be done anyway. They're nothings – time fillers to take Yato's mind of Hiyori, Yukine knows.

He learns very quickly not to ask about her. His questions go unanswered and Yato looks away, eyes pointed to the ground, an expression of pain so clear on his face that Yukine cannot bear it.

They sleep at Tenjin's shrine again. The old God knows, of course, about what happened. He does not come to see them, nor does he usher them off his properly. Yukine thinks this is done more in pity than anything else, but he hopes Tenjin feels the slightest bit guilty for giving the suggestion that sparked the entire ordeal. The old benches they claim by the sacred well feel like home – not unlike Kofuku's attic, but much less comforting.

Yukine begins to miss Daikoku's meals. As the days pass and he becomes accustomed to shitty take-out food and the hard wooden planks, he longs for a warm home-cooked dinner and a proper futon. But he says nothing. Yukine had pledged to stay by Yato's side through everything, no matter how bad it gets.

Between sleeping and eating and taking jobs, Yato hunts ayakashi obsessively. He spends hours and hours chasing them down each night, forgoing sleep to kill the beasts. He fights and pushes himself to the point of collapse, and then flash-steps to the shrine where he proceeds to do just that. He passes out but does not get much _rest, _and the next day everything repeats.

Yato eats little and says even less, while Yukine stuffs himself at every chance and chats aimlessly about everything except Hiyori. It's a routine. A dreadful, exhausting, unhealthy routine, and the only one that Yato seems capable of maintaining.

December rolls around, bringing with it colder weather and the first snows of the season. The beginning of the month finds the God and his Shinki in an alleyway, having just hunted something like fifteen ayakashi. Yato is catching his breath; Yukine leans against a brick wall, arms crossed and brows furrowed. It is almost night time, but winter has shortened the days; it's only nine, and it has been dark for hours.

Yato pulls himself upright, takes a few last deep breaths and then starts walking.

"Come," he says curtly. "We're going somewhere."

Yukine nods, follows Yato to the mouth of the alley. "Another job?"

"No." Yato places a hand on the boy's shoulder, grip firm. "I – _we _have someone to see."

Yukine's stomach drops. He does not need to be told to know where they're going. Yukine opens his mouth to protest but his words are lost in the void as Yato flashes them away. They land silently a moment later on a balcony.

There is a glass door, and further down a small window beneath which Yato moves to crouch. He drags Yukine with him so that both of their heads are below the window's level. The curtains are only drawn halfway, but whoever is inside would still be unable to.

"Yato," Yukine whispers harshly. "You shouldn't be doing this."

"I know."

"You promised Daikoku that you wouldn't go seek her out!"

"I _know_."

"We shouldn't fucking _be_ here – why are you doing this again, you know Hiyori doesn't want to see you."

"She isn't going to."

"But –"

"She won't talk to me. She won't see me. She won't even notice I'm here. Please, Yukine, I just – _I _need to see her. I need to make sure she's okay."

Yukine considers him, brows furrowed. It's the most he's said in the past two weeks.

"Kazuma told you she's okay," Yukine insists, but he is starting to waver. (And truthfully, he'd known since they left that if it came to this he wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight.)

"Just to check, Yukine. Please." Yato looks at him, pleading silently, and the Shinki cannot do anything but nod helplessly at the desperation in his eyes.

Slowly, carefully, Yato raises himself up and peers over the windowsill.

Hiyori is sitting at her desk, scribbling into a notebook. She has textbooks open all around her, and her phone rests in a dock, playing music the God cannot hear. One hand is tucked beneath her chin, and her legs are crossed under the chair, tapping slightly. Her brows are furrowed – she seems to be in deep concentration.

Yato stares and stares, hands holding on to the sill tightly, knuckles white – as if he would fall back if he let go or loosened his grip. A million thoughts swirl in his head at once, most of which end in "I miss you, dear Gods, I miss you", and none of which have to do with the promise he is knowingly breaking.

"Oi." Yukine breaks the spell. "Oi, Yato. That's enough." He pulls his master down forcefully. Yato sags, rubs at his temples. He looks fatigued – no, more than that. He looks beat, exhausted, completely drained. He will not say it aloud, but the rigid slant of his jaw is enough to denote his resolve. He is restraining himself from going in and he has to leave _now _or else h knows he will do something he'll regret greatly. Swiftly, he takes Yukine by the elbow. No more words are spoken as they disappear.

Inside her room, Hiyori looks up.

Strange. She could have sworn she felt someone watching her.

. . . x X x . . .

"_What do you want?"_

"_Is that any way to greet your Shinki?"_

"_Don't test me, Stray."_

"_Oh, Yato. Why don't you use my real name – the one you gave me? You know I love it when you call me by my name."_

"_If you're not going to tell me what you want, then leave."_

"_You know I'm always watching over you, right? I'm always looking out for you, Ya–to." The Stray smiled as she separated the syllables of his name, playing with a few strands of her hair. She paused, took a few steps forward. "You should use me more, you know. You know I do a good job. The best job actually. I'm here, waiting, but you never call on me anymore."_

"_Cut the crap," Yato spit out. "Why are you actually here?"_

_The Stray pouted. "Fine. I just wanted to let you know that you're wasting your time with the girl."_

_A beat of silence, then – _

"What."

_Yato's tone was low, threatening, and the Stray knew she was getting into dangerous territory. _

"_You're wasting your time with her," she repeated._

"_Listen, if you so much as _think _about laying a hand on Hiyori, I will _kill you, _do you understand? I will kill you slowly and painfully and I –"_

"_Relax, my dear." A shudder racked Yato's spine. He hated it when she referred to him affectionately. "I won't do anything to her. I don't really care, to be honest. No," she smiled maliciously, "that's a lie. I _do_ care, just…not enough to hurt her. Not quite yet." The Stray brought a hand to her mouth, long sleeve covering her sharp grin. "And _that_ is because _you, _sweetheart – you have no chance."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You know exactly what I mean. You're a God of Calamity, Yato. You bring destruction and death to everyone you cross paths with."_

"_I'm a Delivery God." Yato pressed without hesitation._

"_No, darling." The Stray giggled. "You really aren't. Nothing good can come out of this…fling with her. In the long run, you can bring the girl nothing but misfortune and pain. You will hurt her, mark my words."_

"_I – _no. _No." Yato growled, stalking towards her. "Shut the fuck up. You don't know _anything _about me or Hiyori or what's going on. Stay the fuck out of it, and – and __don't you dare get near her or I swear, I will end you."_

_His eyes flashed a deadly icy blue but she only laughed, danced out of his reach. Her laughter echoed lightly through the street and – suddenly she was behind him, her arms around his neck and her voice in his ear, too close, too close. _

"_That's all I wanted to say. Just keep it in mind. I'm always here, Yato. I'm always watching. Remember that."_

_Her grip tightened for a split second and then –_

"_I'll be back."_

– _she disappeared._

* * *

19/08/2014 - I'm late. Again. I know, I know, I'm so sorry. I honestly didn't mean to wait this long but I got caught up in work and vacation preparations and I had to focus on those other, more pressing things for a bit. That being said, I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow (Wednesday), and I'll be in a village in Romania for the better part of three weeks, where there is exactly zero guarantee of internet connection. So, updates are going to be weekly at best for the next little while, meaning the next one should be on the 27. I know it's quite a wait but I really appreciate everyone's patience. On a side note, Nora makes her first appearance! That's about the bulk of the present involvement for Kofuku and Daikoku, at least until the end of the story, but you'll be seeing more of the Stray in chapters to come. She plays a pretty important role.

Some translation notes: tamagoyaki is a rolled omelette and horensou no goma-ae is spinach salad with sesame sauce. Also, Todai is the colloquial term used for the University of Tokyo (**To**kyo **Dai**gaku - Todai).

As usual, thank you for the lovely reviews, I really appreciate them. Comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you guys next time!

Also published on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


	9. seven - find

**seven – find**

This is not a good idea.

_Oh no, _Yukine thinks as he picks the lock to Hiyori's door, _this is _not _a good idea._

He couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much. He'd lost count, in two weeks, how many hours he'd spent watching Yato work himself into the ground and tear himself to pieces inside. It was all a tireless cycle – eventually the days and nights bled into one collective mess of work-eat-sleep-repeat, and _that_ was when Yukine decided to go see Hiyori for himself.

Asking Kazuma had not been an option. When Yato left after severing Hiyori's bonds, he'd made everyone – _everyone – _swear not to let him see her, or even to share any information about her. (Not that he was on the continent to _get _the information, but that was another matter entirely.) Yukine wasn't sure how things stood now that Yato had restored her memories – but Daikoku's threats had been for Yato only, so technically he couldn't break a promise that he himself had never made. Either way, Yukine correctly assumed that he would get nothing out of him, or Kazuma and Kofuku. So – he had nowhere to start. (And the brief visit with Yato didn't count. He'd bee too busy looking at his master to notice anything about the room or even the building they were in.) He left the God on a solo job with the rather flimsy excuse that he wanted to go for a walk, took matters into his own hands, and tried to go about things the _old fashioned_ way.

That is: check every room in every Todai dorm building until he finds hers.

It was neither easy nor fast, and Yukine found himself still searching after an hour. (Later, he will realize that he could have just checked the dorm room registry in the lobby instead of wasting time walking the halls and peering into each room.) He got to the fifth floor, room twenty-seven, and nearly collapsed in relief when he saw her name on the small nameplate.

And that's where he is now: picking at her closed door, muttering to himself about how disorganized university students are – really, it can't be that hard to write your name on a nameplate can it? – and, _if I were them I would have written my name, of course, I'm not an uncultured fucking swine, I'm not a lazy assho– _

_There. _

With a satisfying click, the lock gives way and Yukine pushes the door open, entering silently. As he thought, she is not home.

He steps in carefully, surveying his surroundings. The room is small, like all single dorms are. There is a bed with a side table, a desk without a computer, a closet, and that's about it. Textbooks and notebooks are piled on a corner of the desk; posters cover the walls and clothes peek out of the slightly-ajar closet door. It's not much, but it's homely. Hiyori's really made it her own, Yukine thinks.

He moves to the closet door. It's covered, top to bottom, with pictures of Hiyori. She's with her friends in some of them, at school or at concerts or at Cappyper Land. Some are clearly form her high school days, Hiyori standing in her uniform, carrying books, pouring over a textbook. There are some from her graduation with her robes and cap. There are some pictures of her moving into her dorm room and some pictures from parties and still more pictures with her family, her parents and older brother, on vacation and at home. Gently, Yukine traces his fingers over the images. He can see her progression, her _maturing, _from a blushing high school girl to the lovely young woman that she is now.

Yukine's stomach flips uncomfortably and all at once being there feels wrong. This is not his home – this place is not for him. It is for Hiyori. She's built a life here, a life without him or Yato or Kofuku or Kazuma or any of them, and he feels like he is intruding on something very personal.

(A nagging thought in his head reminds him that there is a name for what he is doing, a specific term: trespassing. Breaking and entering.)

Yukine makes to leave, thinking only that he needs to get out of there before Yato realizes what a ridiculously long walk he is going on, when he hears the door rattle.

He freezes.

The door swings open slowly and Hiyori's voice drifts in, along with the rustle of plastic – "I locked it, I _know _I did" – and for a powerful Shinki, he feels more like an eight year old child caught stealing from the cookie jar. Which, in a sense, he is.

(_Not a good idea, _a voice echoes in his mind. _Not a good idea.)_

Hiyori looks up, then, eyes widening. A dark look passes over her face as she stops in the doorway. Yukine stands, immobile, waiting for the yelling and anger and accusations that he knows will come, waiting for her to raise hell, bracing himself to be slapped and thrown out, but –

"Oh. It's you."

Except for a small frown, Hiyori shows no emotion as she breezes past him. She is dressed snugly in long jeans and boots and a thick winter coat, and carries with her a few plastic bags which she places on her desk. She takes off her shoes and jacket and moves before Yukine, who just stands there staring at her dumbly until she clears her throat and looks pointedly at her closet. It takes him a moment to understand, then Yukine jerks away unsteadily, giving Hiyori space. Once finished, she sits down at her desk and fixes her gaze on the boy.

Yukine squirms. Hiyori blinks. Finally, after a long and awkward silence, she sighs.

"Is there something in particular you wanted?"

Yukine tries, but cannot form words with his fumbling tongue.

"What," Hiyori raises a brow, face hard, "cat got your tongue? Lost your ability to speak?"

"I – um, no. No." Yukine clears his throat. It's a start. "I – I'm sorry. I just came to see…you, I guess."

"Well, here I am. You've seen me. Anything else?"

"Um…" Yukine's eyes dart around the room wildly, uncomfortable beyond words. Hiyori senses this, and – suppressing a strange sort of gratification – shakes her head, sighs again.

"It's – ah, I guess it's okay," she says at last, voice just the slightest bit softer than before. "_He's _not with you?" she asks, and she's not proud of the way her voice trembles on the first word, but, hey – baby steps. At least she's speaking to Yukine. (And no longer throwing things.)

"No, he's doing a solo job."

"Ah." Hiyori pauses, regards Yukine seriously. "Listen, I don't have much time right now – I've got an essay I need to work on – so you have to go."

"Right. Right, I'll – I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, I'll just – go."

Hiyori doesn't know what it is – perhaps his expression, his voice, his words – probably his entire presence, his desperate and yet somehow hopeful way of being – that makes her tell him, "Come back tomorrow."

Yukine stops. "What?"

"Come back tomorrow – if you want to talk, or whatever."

Yukine can't help himself – he feels his entire face light up, and bashfully directs his gaze to the floor, trying not to seem too excited. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." Hiyori bites her lip. "But only for a little bit. And alone – you have to come alone. If you bring him with you I won't –" She leaves the warning unfinished, but Yukine thinks he knows pretty well what she means.

"Alone, got it. Same time?"

"Sure."

Yukine nods enthusiastically and, with a single backwards glance, leaves. He walks quickly but his mind is in another world entirely. Optimism beats in his chest and pumps his legs all the way back.

. . . x X x . . .

_"Okay, you're all set?"_

_"Yeah, I'm good."_

_Yukine tied the ends of his apron around his neck deftly and took his place behind the counter. _

_"Perfect," Yato smiled. "I'll be on my way, then. Be good, work hard. I'll see you later."_

_"So eager! You going to see Hiyori-chan?"_

_"Yes." _

_"Oh Gods – Daikoku, do you hear him? He's completely shameless. One month in and I swear it's still like the first day. They can't keep their hands off each other." _

_"Shut up and pour your soup, brat," he said half-heartedly. There was no bite to his words; he was fighting off a smile, in fact, trying and failing not to let Yukine see._

_From the next room, Daikoku's rumbling chuckle rang out._

_"Yeah, yeah. Have fun making kissy faces at each other."_

_"That's not the only thing we'll be doing." Yato winked. Giving him details he really doesn't want to know about – the only surefire way to shut Yukine up and simultaneously annoy him. The boy gagged and Yato smirked, satisfied. With a mock salute and a burst of blue, he disappeared, falling two seconds later on the soft cotton sheets that covered Hiyori's bed. (It's worth noting that flash-stepping is less of an exact science and more of an…approximate art. Gods never have the guarantee that they will land where they want to, although they do get more accurate as the years pass and they have more practice.)_

_(And Yato wasn't even aiming for the bed.)_

_Hiyori didn't seem to notice him, so with a wicked grin, Yato stood and creeped slowly towards her, coming to a stop just behind her chair. He waited, knowing it wouldn't be long until she –_

_"_Holy shit!"

_Hiyori cursed loudly, nearly falling out of her chair and Yato burst into laughter. He clutched at his sides, tears leaking from his eyes as Hiyori stood up and attacked him. Her fists rained on his chest and back and arms, more like tickles than actual punches. _

_"You're awful – _argh, _I hate you, you scared the crap out of me – you are so dead, Yato, you piece of –mmmpf –"_

_Her words were cut off as Yato wrapped his arms around her, his taller frame envelopping her entirely. He buried his face in his hair and breathed in deeply. Hiyori smelled like soap and lavender and everything that was good in the world. After a moment she relaxed in his grip, and her own arms wound around his waist_

_"How's my beautiful girlfriend today?" Yato's muffled voice reached her ears._

_"Don't try to smooth-talk your way out of this," Hiyori replied, drawing away from the God. Hands resting on his shoulders, she gave him the best glare she could muster. "You scared me, you asshole."_

_"I'm sorry, darling. Let me make it up to you?"_

_Yato leaned down, pressed their lips together. He kissed her slowly, deeply, tongue tracing her lips – and Hiyori, momentary anger forgotten, opened her mouth to grant him access. His fingers moved up and down her back, drawing delicious patterns that made her shiver. Hiyori pressed herself nearer to him, hands fisting in his hair. A pleasant warmth spread from her abdomen. She needed him closer – closer – she needed him to kiss her – closer – kiss her and hold her – _closer – _and_ –

_Then he wasn't._

_Yato pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers. Hiyori's cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen red – she was everything beautiful the universe had ever created, rolled into one, and the sight of her had his heart literally skip a beat._

_"Can you possibly forgive me?" he murmured lowly._

_"Shut up and kiss me." Her voice was thick. Yato's pulse picked up. He wanted her._

_He moved his mouth along her jaw and down her neck, kissing and licking and biting. Hiyori tilted her head and Yato found her pulse point, sucking lightly. He nipped the soft skin and Hiyori gasped, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades. Yato smirked and drew away, moving up her neck and back to her mouth, capturing her lips once more. (She tasted like heaven. He didn't think he would ever get enough of kissing her.) Hiyori took a few steps back, bringing Yato with her, until she felt the frame of the bed on the backs of her knees – her hips moved forward instinctively and Yato practically _growled_. His palms were flat on her spine, touch burning. She dragged her hands down his back, around his hips, and then slowly, carefully, slid them _lower. _Yato made a sound halfway between a moan and purr, deep and guttural, because dear Gods, she was good – her tongue was driving him crazy – _crazy – _and dear _Gods, _how he wanted her right then, but – no. No. He caught her wrist and pushed Hiyori away._

_"You really," he said, "don't want to do that."_

_He stepped back. Hiyori sat on her bed with a huff._

_"Yato, I –"_

_"No."_

_"But –"_

_"_No."

_"It's been a month!"_

_"I don't care. Not yet, okay?"_

_Hiyori pouted up at him. Yato stared down, unrelenting, and eventually Hiyori looked away, nodding. "Okay. Okay. Not yet." _

_Yato reached out a hand, cupping her cheek. "I'm sorry, babe. You understand, yeah? Don't be mad."_

_"No, of course not." And there Hiyori's eyes softened, because he was still worrying about her feelings even when it came to his own personal comfort. "Why would I be mad?If it's not something you're comfortable with, I'm not going to force you – that would be an incredibly shitty thing to do." Hiyori smiled and Yato grinned down at her and any tension in the air was gone. _

_"Thank you, darling." She waved him off, standing up, and moved towards her desk._

_"It's better like this, actually. You have a mountain of work to finish."_

_Hiyori rolled her eyes, groaning. "Ugh, don't remind me."_

_"What's with all this extra math stuff?" Yato asked, thumbing the pages of a workbook._

_"I'm taking a remedial class."_

_"What?"_

_"Yeah. I have to. The school sent a letter home to my parents and they freaked out, so now I have to take this math course to make up for it. I've been putting it off for like three days, I really don't want to – don't look at me like that." Yato was frowning, arms crossed. "I'll get it done, don't worry." A brow climbed higher and higher on his forehead – definitely time to change the subject, before he got into one of his lectures on her study habits. "Hey, new topic – have you found out anything about my condition?"_

_A vague look of alarm passed over Yato's face. "I – um. I haven't gotten the chance to ask around."_

_Hiyori sighed. "Right. It's just that – it would be really helpful not to lose myself so often, you know, and then have to spend time looking for my body. I could get more work done, and spend more time with you."_

_"But I like it when you're in spirit form. Your tail's super cute."_

_"Yato, I'm being serious here. Listen – I know you're busy and you've got jobs to do, but I'd really appreciate it if you could give this some attention too, alright?"_

_"Anything for you. I promise I'll look into it right away." No fight, no list of excuses for why he hadn't gotten to it. Things were different, now that they were together. There was a new sort of seriousness when dealing with matters that involved both of them – which wasn't to say that their relationship was heavy or overbearing. They were just committed to each other, and that meant more maturity, more understanding, and certainly a lot more patience._

_"Thank you."_

_"Don't mention it. Now – get to work. I'm seeing a lot of unanswered questions here."_

_"…Do I have to?"_

_"Yes," Yato chuckled. "You do. I'll leave you be."_

_"Can't you just distract me with your charm and devilish good looks?"_

_"Ooh, as tempting as that sounds – no. You need to finish your work."_

_Yato leaned in, giving Hiyori one more sweet, breathless kiss._

_"See you later, darling."_

_Hiyori's breath ghosted across his lips. "Bye, sweetheart."_

. . . x X x . . .

"Would you like black, green or white tea?"

"Black, please."

Hiyori pops the teabag into the steaming mug of water and pushes it down with a plastic spoon, poking it to get the flavour out faster.

"Honey, sugar?" she asks.

"No, thanks." There is a minute of silence as Hiyori makes her own cup – white, two teaspoons of honey – and Yukine watches, captivated by her moving hands. Her fingers are longer, he notices. Her movements are sharper. (_She used to drink green tea with ginseng and lemon. No sugar, no honey.) _His eyes roam over her room once more, this time taking in the smaller details he'd missed last time.

Her sheets are rumpled. Three pillows, big and fluffy, are splayed against the headboard; a book and a pair of glasses rest on the side table; loose papers, pens, pencils, highlighters are strewn across the desk. The corners of Hiyori's wrestling posters are frayed, and her curtains are yellowing at the seams. A tightness settles in his gut – even the smell in the room is the same. This is her, this is _Hiyori, _just as he remembers her, and Yukine feels like crying or throwing his arms around her or maybe both, and only holds himself back because she would probably murder him.

(_Except._

Except, not quite. Even through his onslaught of memories and sudden rush of emotion, there is a small voice in the back of his head that tells him something is off. Much like the previous day, he feels somehow like he does not belong. There is something wrong with the room, with the atmosphere – while this is Hiyori as he remembers her, it is also Hiyori as he has never seen her before.)

"You like what you see?" Hiyori's voice snaps him out of reverie, her tone flat. She hands him the mug and he takes it, not feeling the singe on his fingertips.

"Uh – yeah. Your room is nice."

"Thanks."

Yukine shift uncomfortably, takes a sip of the burning liquid. It burns on the way down but he swallows it anyway. It tastes exactly like she used to make it, all those years ago. With a pang, he realizes that he's missed her more than he thought – and suddenly his visit isn't only about Yato anymore. He wants to talk to her. He wants to apologize directly and explain the story and make her understand that the both of them only wanted to protect her.

But Hiyori does not look like she is in the mood for a deep emotional discussion so he swallows his words instead and makes small talk about the first thing that comes to mind.

"So…you made it into Todai."

"Not at first. I got into Waseda with my parents' help and I transferred out after a year. I was lucky they took me."

"But you're here now."

"That I am."

"D'you like it? I mean, is it what you expected."

"I can't – complain, really. It's a really good school. Lots of work, of course, incredibly heavy course load, but it's getting me where I want to go."

"Medicine, right."

"Kind of. Genetic and molecular biology, for research in aging and genetic diseases."

"No more neurosurgery?"

"Unfortunately, no. My dad was very disappointed that I'd changed my mind – he was looking forward to getting me a position at his hospital – but mom was happy. She said surgery would have been too much work. It would have ruined my 'delicate hands'."

Yukine laughs, recalling Mrs. Iki's constant worrying and fretting – and, to his surprise, Hiyori's lips pull up at the corners in the slightest hint of a smile.

"That sounds like her, yeah. Does your dad still keep a permanent stock of beer in the fridge?"

"Yeah."

"Shit – actually?"

"'Course. He takes one every night with his dinner. My mom complains about it all the time."

"Oh, Gods," Yukine shakes his head, smiling. "Some things never change. Hey – do you still procrastinate like crazy?"

"_No." _Hiyori sounds almost…affronted. "I do my work very diligently, thank you very much."

"Unlike in high school."

"Don't remind me." Hiyori rolls her eyes and drowns the rest of her tea. She places the bug on her desk and leans back in her chair.

"You used to put everything off until the last moment, remember?"

"I had a reason – something to distract me, something to look forward to." Hiyori pauses. "I don't anymore."

Yukine's smile drops instantly. He'd been so close – so _close. _She'd been loosening up, if only marginally. For an instant it'd been almost like old times, chatting over tea – but he just had to fuck up and open his mouth about the past.

"Hiyori, I – fuck. _Fuck. _I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up."

"It's fine," she says, though she doesn't sound like she minds it. "If I didn't want to hear anything about the past I wouldn't have invited you back." There is a pause, and Hiyori looks like she is deliberating continuing. Yukine remains silent, bated breath, until she speaks again. "I…don't know how to really say this so it's – uh – totally cool if you don't want to answer. But I need to get it off my chest and ask." She stops again, choosing her words. "What happened after…after my bonds were cut? To you, I mean."

"Ah."

A new weight presses on his shoulders, and Yukine knows that what he says now, how he answers her, will affect their relationship forever. She is giving him something he never imagined she would: an impossible chance to tell her the truth and explain the whole situation.

"That's a good question," Yukine says after some time. "Lots of things happened, mostly bad. We…left the country."

Hiyori takes a sharp breath, and it is more emotion than she's shown the entire conversation. "_What."_

"Tokyo was too small for both of us in it, even being on opposite ends of the city, so – we left."

"Where did you go?"

"America, for a while, but that stint didn't last long. Seattle for a few months, and then England. For four years." Hiyori does not reply. _(Alright, here we go. Decisive moment time – this will make it or break it.)_

"It was –"

"You know," she interrupts, "I've never actually thought about your role in this. You weren't with him the night he severed our bonds."

"No."

"I thought so. You – you didn't know about it beforehand, did you?"

"I had a bad feeling – instincts, you know, I should have fucking trusted my gut but I _didn't. _I didn't know until the night of. I was at Kofuku's shop. He'd been gone all day, I was going to go looking for him – I remember I was just standing up and Daikoku cast a spell, like a bind but like three hundred fucking times more powerful. I was helpless." He pauses. "Do you want to know something?"

"Yeah," she replies, and though her tone is reluctant her eagerness betrays her. She clears her throat. "Yeah, go ahead."

"I beat him up afterwards."

"You – what?" That merits a smile, he thinks, but there is none. No humor, not today.

"He got home and he looked like shit but I was _livid_ so I just – attacked. I didn't really know what I was doing to be honest, but Yato just took it. He let me rip into him."

"But I don't – I don't understand. Why did you go with him if you were so mad? You say you were 'livid', but you left anyway…"

"Daikoku wouldn't let me go, not until he was satisfied that I wouldn't attack Yato again. I wanted nothing to do with him anyway, so he left. I saw him again maybe – three months? Yeah, three months later. He came back to get food or money or some shit from Kofuku and he looked terrible. Awful, Hiyori, just absolute crap – like he was dying – which, in retrospect, I think he might have been. It was the sight of him that did it. He was pathetic, falling apart, and I still somehow felt this stupid sense of duty – or obligation? – towards him. I had to help."

Hiyori presses her lips into a thin line. "So, what – you help him out, and he just all of a sudden decides to leave the country?"

Yukine swallows hard.

"It was difficult," he answers. "It was _incredibly _difficult being so near you and unable to see you. It didn't work at all, not even for a little bit – I had to restrain him from more than a few times – but to be honest staying was a pretty shit idea to begin with. I didn't want to go. Leaving Tokyo – leaving you, that is – was the hardest fucking decision I have ever made in my life, and I hated it every single goddamn second we were in that country."

And _oh-kay, _there goes his control and carefully chosen words, out the window.

"It was torture, Hiyori. I missed you like crazy, like – fuck, like everything I've ever missed in my life put together, if that makes any sense. I was so fucking bitter and the situation was so shitty, way worse than life here ever was, and some nights I had to physically tie myself down to keep from blowing up and destroying everything around me. So yeah, it sucked ass. It was awful. But – there's always a but, you know – I got through it because, eventually, I realized that my missing you was nothing compared to the way Yato missed you, and the pain that he was going through."

Yukine knows the words were a mistake even before they left his mouth, and Hiyori pressing her lips in a thin line only confirms it, but he doesn't care anymore. He has to tell her everything.

"It was stupid and I was selfish," he says urgently, speaking faster and faster. "I wanted to make a big deal about how I missed you – you were family, Hiyori, and you still are, even though I know that –"

"Stop –"

"– _even _though I know that I'm no longer family to you, you're still the best fucking older sister I never had and yeah, I missed you – but it was so much worse for Yato, _so _much worse. You were his girlfriend, Hiyori, he loved you –"

"Enough, Yukine, stop –"

"– he loved you so fucking much, you have no idea. I swear it was like losing a limb for him, or having his fingernails ripped out one by one or something super crappy like that and yes I know I'm rambling but you don't get the kind of pain he was going through – the kind of pain he's _still_ going through – how fucking guilty and awful he feels about what he did and – and what am I saying, he still loves you, Hiyori, he loves you more every day and he misses you and you have to understand that what he did, he did out of love and concern for you and –"

"_ENOUGH!"_

Yukine recoils back, almost as if struck, mind going blank. A single phrase repeats in his brain over and over and over – _you have fucked up. _Hiyori is almost shaking – she sits, fists clenched, and takes in a deep, shuddering breath. When she speaks, her voice trembles.

"Leave."

Yukine feels his throat close up. "But –"

"This – this was a mistake, dragging up all the – if I knew that all you were going to do was spew lies to my face I never would have asked you here. Just go, Yukine."

The Shinki rises slowly, wavering. "Hiyori, I –"

"_NOW." _

It happens too fast for Hiyori herself to register – in under a second her hand has wrapped itself around her empty tea mug and thrown it at Yukine. The boy barely dodges; it misses him by a hair's breadth and shatters against the wall behind him with a loud crash.

"I'm – I'm sorry," Yukine chokes out. Wide-eyed, he scrambles out of the room as fast as he can.

Hiyori does not move from her place. The crash of the mug echoes in her ears, the sound of porcelain on wall, of broken hope and overwhelming pain. She can't take it anymore. She draws her knees to her chin, buries her head in the worn material of her jeans. Hot tears leak from her eyes.

For the first time since she regained her memories, Hiyori cries.

* * *

07/10/2014 - So...I'm not dead?

I know, I know! Absent for the better part of two months, it's awful! Please, before you attack me for the incredible lateness let me apologize - I am so, so, _so __sorry _for how late this chapter is! Words cannot describe my remorse and how apologetic I am. However, let me also tell you what has happened in this time, not as an excuse, but to let you guys know exactly how stressful and work-filled these past weeks have been. So, since the last update I have:

- gone to London, England (and fallen in love with the country)  
- gone to Romania (saw my family again for the first time in almost seven years)  
- gone to a wedding (it was amazing)  
- come back from Europe (a total of 5 flights there and back)  
- missed the first week of school  
- caught up on the first week of school  
- joined drama club  
- wrote three one-act play scripts  
- got two of those three scripts in for the performance night  
- gotten a directing and acting position in two other plays respectively  
- failed a physics unit test  
- aced a math unit test  
- built a kitsune mask out of clay for history class  
- went to several universities fairs (and stressed myself out about it)  
- started calculus, physics, and fencing outside of school  
- settled into general work mode

So, as you can tell - not a lot of free time. (Also, airplanes are surprisingly shitty places to write. Loud and annoying and my back was stiff.) Still, I somehow managed to sit down and find the time to get this chapter done. It was so hard, let me tell you guys. Life has a way of sneaking up on you and taking over, and it was stifling my creativity. Not going to lie, I'm not exactly pleased with how this came out, especially the middle part. But it's out here, once and for all. Clearly this story is taking a lot longer than I originally thought it would, but I am determined to see it to the end. I will finish it eventually, I promise you guys. (Advance warning though - with all the stuff that's going on, I have no idea when the next update is going to be.) That being said, thank you so very much for all the follows, reviews, and favourites, they mean the world to me. You're amazing human beings and I love you all. As usual, comments and criticism are welcome and much appreciated. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time!

Published also on my AO3 account ~sayanora_fallinlove


End file.
